Hong Kong Conspiracy

Look at these cunts. With felons like these negotiating your future, you know you have no chance.

With felons like these negotiating your future, you’ve got no chance.

Strap on your tin foil hats movers and shakers and let’s get greasy! Oh yeah, I’ve been eating this whole Hong Kong protest thing up with a spoon ever since little Josh Wong almost got sconned on the noggin with an errant tear gas canister back on the 28th of September. It’s been an action packed 3 weeks or so watching people in the protest and online froth at the mouth, do the straight arm finger-point, gnash their teeth, bleat, lie, cheat and whore themselves (I’m looking at you 60 y.o. surgical mask wearing money grubbing taxi drivers…and you throw a bottle for $1000 agitators…and you $500 to tear down supply station saboteurs…you opportunistic entrepreneurial capitalist ratbags!). And it’s been fun watching hearts bleed, people kid themselves and fawn over the heroic democratic deeds of protesters (hello expat sympathizers, and other soft-brained western media types…democracy great, hurray…China horrible, boo!). Stepping back, it’s been like spending 3 weeks watching a frog try to jump its way out of a greased wok, while spectators stand around arguing over its chances. It’s hard to pick an outcome. Mass head cracking? A compromise riddled with stalling lingo and long distance promises?  Who knows.

Wok a nightmare

Wok a nightmare

So anyway, with heavily layered aluminum moulded all over my head and coat-hangers dangling from my ceiling to deflect electromagnetic radiation and brain infiltrating gamma rays, the coast is clear to wade into the muck and inspect some of the opinions related to the great Hong Kong Protests of 2014…no matter how fantastically crazy they may seem to be or how kooky they get. Let’s start with this outrageous timeline I came across somewhere way, way, way out…deep in the internet:

cc1

This is totally outlandish and I, for one, won’t tolerate such an outrageous conspiracy theory. China wasn’t ass fucked by Britain in 1839. It was between 1839 and 1997 that they were continually ass fucked by Britain.

Why won't people listen to me?? The Hong Kong protests are all about democracy, peace and loooooove!!

Why won’t people listen to me?? The Hong Kong protests are all about democracy, peace and loooooove!!

What’s next? Some insane conspiracy theorists out there have been contending that the whole Hong Kong protest episode has been fuelled, funded, trained and backed by creepy world giant, America, all for the purposes of undermining China and strengthening world democracy…or some shit. These are seriously deluded nuts who probably still live with their parents and haven’t been out of their bedroom in 17 years. If they knew anything at all they would know that local Hong Kong citizens don’t need any help whatsoever to fuel their white-hot rage toward the mainland invasion that has been destroying their city and standard of living more and more every year since 1997. Their revulsion needs no backing or inspiration at all, thank you very much.

These protests aren’t to do with democracy or US skullduggery…oh no…that’s conspiracy theory nutjob stuff and won’t be tolerated here…these protests are about good old-fashioned hate. And why not? If someone came into my house and pissed and shat on the floor, stole my toothpaste and shampoo and gave birth to a mewling cabbage in the spare room I’d put aside for Aunty Gin, I’d want to show them the door too. The Chinese media, who are reporting this idea of US backing, are not to be trusted…nor is the German media or the Russian media who are reporting the same thing. Crazy fucking nuts. Even America’s official foreign policy, which gives support for the democratisation of HK under the Omnibus Appropriations Act of 2009  (provision of $17 million for the promotion of democracy in Hong Kong) should only be taken with a grain of salt. If it was possible to identify the influence of CIA spooks within the Occupy Central ranks, what are we going to do? Cry ‘conspiracy’ like some deranged lunatic? CIA assets would only be responsible for the supply of delicious apples and water bottles for a couple of supply stations here and there anyway. Big deal! So, yes…I diligently block out all reports that try to demonise creepy world giant, America…no matter how hard they attempt to infiltrate my protective tin foil defense systems. Conflicting views and outrageous conspiracy theories simply aren’t to be tolerated. Apples and water bottles however, don’t do any harm at all and can be tolerated. Why, Uncle Sam says we can all have a free apple whenever we want. Hurray! :)

Captain America overseas the protests on behalf of creepy world giant, America.

Captain America overseas the protests on behalf of creepy world giant, America.

 

What else? Lately, there has been a lot of frothing at the mouth about thuggery, hired mobsters and gangsters causing problems for innocent, defenseless, peaceful protesters.  Thousands of boring broken records are out there using up precious internet space playing Where’s Wongo – spotting, identifying and calling out paid agitators and gang members who they say are in the employ of diabolical CY Leung to break up protests…these ignorant bores are literally tripping over each other as they post images online captioned with stammering comments like ‘there is no way he is from HK look at him he’s a paid mainlander!’ or ‘look at his tattoos, he is a gangster!’ and ‘CY Leung ought to be ashamed!’ Well, this sort of conspiratorial quackery is hardly fit to print. CY Leung tossing a few Hong Kong dollars around among some of his good friends for a few favours is nothing compared to the gargantuan budgets western leaders have at their disposal to control information, silence dissent, bribe, blackmail and extort whistleblowers, imprison dissidents and crush opposition.

Hk$500 to tear down a supply station full of water bottles and crisp, juicy apples? Are these kooks for real? How does that even compare to the kind of institutionalised corruption and felony western leaders commit each and every day? You think China is a den of corruption…stand in AWE at the all time, undefeated  world champions of hard-core corruption…the west. Those fuckers wrote the fucking book. At the very least…how is one better than the other? We’re talking greasy politicians here. You’d have to be a dangerously unhinged lunatic…a conspiracy loving nutcase…to imply that one group of politicians are better than another. What’s CY  to do anyway? You think he’s going to say no to China? Fuck, they’ll curb-stomp his face or take his thumbs or something. Maybe these crazy conspiracy nutjobs should try for a second to absorb comrade Leung’s own comments on the issue of thuggery and use of intimidation tactics:

“What would you do if thousands of painfully idealistic students camped out playing ping pong and ordering McDonald’s on streets all over your city for 3 weeks? What would you do if you were part of a supposed ‘minority’ NOT hoodwinked by this whole democracy love and peace bullshit? What if you saw it for what it is…a spiteful, elitist hate campaign, originally known as ‘Occupy Central Against Locusts & Chinamen’, run by spoilt self-entitled milk-sops against their own people…all disguised as a virtuous love-in? How could you possibly explain the futility and irrationality of such a tantrum to thousands of protesters who are scandalously unable to admit or probably even see their true motivations? They want democracy? What the fuck are these deadshits on about? Hong Kong never had democracy before anyway, so why should China ‘give’ it to them now? Are these people fucking insane? To the average Chinese man or woman with any shred of insight, all this humping at the western leg must really make them swoon. Here’s a city, originally designed to serve the drug pushing, bullying, lying, cheating, money-laundering British Empire, by emptying it of resources and prosperity and consolidating it all on behalf of criminals in London…for over a hundred years, mind you…begging, just begging, the instant their home nation passes a bit of inevitable legislation about the 2017 elections, to basically go back to their old swindling, forked tongued masters. Talk about knee jerk, ungrateful cunts.”

- CY Leung
(Excerpted from an impromptu morning assembly speech delivered to The Hong Kong Jockey Club Mother of the Weeping Virgin Widow Presbyterian Catholic Leung Shau Ping Old Boys’ Association Memorial Primary School Number 2.)

 

Classic straight arm finger point tactics

Classic straight arm finger point tactics

Anti protest agitators dismantle barricades while thousands of peaceful protesters look on

Anti protest agitators dismantle barricades while thousands of peaceful protesters look on

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And the conspiracy theories roll on…what about this piece of paranoid, misguided, ill-conceived propaganda…

The Real Issue in Hong Kong Protests

How dare an upstanding institution like CNBC sully the name of good, honest, hard working journalists everywhere by daring to suggest that the Hong Kong protests are much more nuanced than most reports would have us believe? How dare they suggest that the true motivation for Occupy Central is not a heart warming pining for democracy, but a much more complex issue hinged on rising economic uncertainty in Hong Kong and ‘misguided colonialist nostalgia accompanied by ugly discrimination of the mainland Chinese & even virulent bullying’?

Strike me down! It gets even more oddball from the CNBC madmen. My tin foil hat is literally buzzing like a beehive. How can they look at themselves in the mirror and use phrases like ‘according to the narrative in the west’. Narrative? Are these nutcases implying that the western media is making up stories? I won’t hear of it. Let us not tolerate these outrageous conspiracy theories. What else have they had the gall to say…
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- when under British rule from 1841-1997, the UK did not promote democracy. That begun, conveniently, after the handover.

- huge discrepancy between HK’s economic gains and its eroding social fabric

- the real precedent for the HK protests is the Occupy Wall Street movement in the US

- HK’s income inequality is worse than Zimbabwe

- What HK needs is responsible political development..yeah…not students sitting around singing kumbaya and gnashing their teeth because mainlanders are dirty

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Fuck! I think I just lost the rear deflector shield in my tin foil hat! It sounds like someone is frying bacon in my brain! How dare CNBC spread such grossly accurate, impartial, fair and balanced information? This is just another deluded opinion that must be avoided at all costs. Don’t mess with our peace and love CNBC, mmmk.

Far enough removed from mainstream media to spread a little truth?

What about this? Talk about whacko…

Good god…the gamma rays are slicing at the back of my eyeballs and lazering my skull into diced bone! Must…increase…foil…
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It gets worse…listen to the music! It’s got to be true…

Head imploding…coat-hangers melting…

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Then there’s this article…and a million more out there I’ve been avoiding, all trying to bring down my feel-good buzz. I can’t take it. I got to get out of here and get back where I belong…back to the streets to play ping pong and eat KFC on the road…with hundreds and thousands of my other democracy buddies…buddies?…hey…where’d everybody go??

People power

Democracy. The people have spoken with their feet…and nearly all gone home

 

Get the fuck off the street you dirty hippies, we're trying to get through to Cafe de Coral

This post brought to you by some of CY Leung’s closest friends. “Get the fuck off the street you dirty hippies, we’re trying to get through to Cafe de Coral.”

Who's up for some ping pong?

Who’s up for some ping pong?

Posted in Hong Kong | 3 Comments

Democracy Comes to Hong Kong!

Yay democracy!

Hurray democracy!

China’s going to crack. You can just feel it. It’s 1967 again all over…the Summer of Love baby! The streets are alive with the sound of hope and change. Ignorance has turned to bliss, selfishness to generosity…boorishness to downright pleasantness. It’s totally groovy, man. Any day now that communist maggot, CY Leung, will step down, Beijing will roll over like a frail old man trying to get some sleep and Hong Kong will get what it’s heart desires…what every man woman and child has always desired and cherished…glorious, glorious democracy. Democracy. It’s far out, brother.

Never mind what the haters say. Hater’s gonna hate, ah huh. Never mind that the Chinese media has given our mega love-in a total of 6 seconds air time and totally misrepresented it or that ‘netizens’ there have been beside themselves with sanctimonious glee over these comments highlighting western media hypocrisy:

Currently the #1 trending microblog post on Chinese microblog platform Sina Weibo, with over 60k upvotes, 110k forwards/reshares, and 25k comments, by British academic, John Ross…

@JohnRoss431: It’s inconvenient for me to comment on Hong Kong’s 2017 Chief Executive general election issue, because I’m not Chinese after all. However, Western media reports on the Hong Kong issue have been too hypocritical. In the United Kingdom’s 150 years of colonial rule over Hong Kong, the UK never permitted Hong Kongers to elect the Governor, and the United States did not protest against the UK for it either. Now when the system designed by China for Hong Kong is far more democratic than that allowed by the UK, the United States instead strongly protests against the China’s government.

We don't need this kind of negativity

We don’t need this kind of negativity

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And never mind the thouands and thousands of supportive replies and comments like these:

深海一细沙: After you go back to your country, people are definitely going to say you’ve been brainwashed by the Chinese, hehe, but I support your fair and objective comment. Those troublemakers in the Hong Kong SAR should be punished through lawful means. The SAR government departments should firmly pursue legal liability against the troublemakers in accordance with the law.

晓辰:Haha, this laowai is perceptive/insightful! Although in the minority, he has hit the nail on the head, seeing things more clearly than many Hong Kongers…

许聃_Ender: I really don’t understand, why are there so many people who support the fenqing-ism of Hong Kong students? Their American father has fattened up ISIS, and their British mother can’t even deal with Scotland. A bunch of children who haven’t even grown all their public hair wanting to cause a disturbance? Laughable!

夏天michaelia:Wanting democracy is no cause for blame, but those saying the UK wanted to give Hong Kong democracy a long time ago were it not for mainland pressure need to shut up. Go look at when China and the UK began their talks and when the British colonial government of Hong Kong proposed giving Hong Kongers democracy. Are you people really that naive? If they sincerely and genuinely wanted to give democracy, why didn’t they give it earlier, or has British democracy not been around long enough? I respect every person who fights for democracy, but despise those who deliberately whitewash British imperialism.

悠林林976:Hong Kong, you spineless cunt, back when your parents were being insulted/humiliated by Western nations, you were taken away to be slaves, and instead of doing your best to resist, you actually thought it was great. Your parents worked hard to finally bring you back and you instead spend every day looking down on your parents, constantly cursing them, calling them cunts, and when they don’t agree to your unreasonable demands, you threaten that you want to go back to being a slave dog. This kind of trollish argument definitely won’t work, and I hope the central government will adopt unyielding measures.

改个名这么难呀:If there are any Hong Kong friends [people] here, please pass this on. If there is anyone in the Mongkok Nathan Road area, I don’t oppose your peaceful protest, but can you guys please keep it down and not use loudspeakers? Brother [referring to self] has an early shift tomorrow. Otherwise, I’m going to piss out the window. [怒] So annoying.

Don't bring down our feel good buzz

Don’t bring down our feel good buzz

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Hong Kong doesn’t need this kind of negativity or difference of opinion right now, man. We are marching for democracy and it feels good and if it feels good…we’re gonna do it! We don’t need no bum rap, sister. What we need is good, honest, hard working, fair and just individuals who want to contest true democratic Chief Executive Elections in 2017…and we want them to stand up right now…that’s right…go ahead and stand up right now and lay your campaign on us. Get those gums a flappin’ and chins a rappin’ and hit us with your slogans for election soul brothers and sisters. Put ‘em together ladies and gentlemen…let’s hear it for…

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Soul Brother Jimmy

Jimmy Wong

Slogan: Vote for me and I’ll get mainlanders the fuck out

Whoah, Jimmy…them sure are fightin’ words…pretty direct…but we really like it!

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Soul Sister Yan

Slogan: A vote for me is a vote for tighter mainland entry stipulations.

Slogan: A vote for me is a vote for tighter mainland entry stipulations.

Sing it to me sister!

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Little J. Wong

Slogan: Vote for me and I'll single handedly catch and exterminate every last locust

Slogan: Vote for me and I’ll single handedly catch and exterminate every last locust with my bare hands.

All the way with Little J!  ;)

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Dr Lee

1Vote for me and I'll restrict the entry of so many mainland scum you'll never get stabbed in the eye with an umbrella again

Slogan: Vote for me and I’ll force so many restrictions on the number of mainlanders on our streets you’ll never get stabbed in the eye by an umbrella again.

Well, we’re just gonna have to call you Dr Feelgood! We like it Doc! We like it a lot.

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Gasmask Gary

Slogan: Vote for me and I'll build an army, invade southern China and turn off all the factories that are choking the life out of our city.

Slogan: Vote for me and I’ll build an army, invade southern China and shut down all the factories that are choking the life out of our city.

Holy shit, Gary, why didn’t anyone think of this before. We love it.

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Mr Long

Slogan: Vote for me and I'll slash the amount of years a double income family needs to work from 1345 years to something more realistic

Slogan: Vote for me and I’ll stop cold massive influxes of mainland home buyers driving residential property prices out of the reach of local HK families. Vote for me and you may even be able to rent a home without having to pay off gangsters and loan sharks.

You have our total support.

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Soul Brother Chan

Slogan: No shit. No piss.

Slogan: No piss. No shit.

Thank you…Jesus thank you.

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Soul Sister Kathy Wong

Slogan: Vote for me and I'll make residencey rights through birth for mainland mothers illegal and punishable by up to 400 years in prison.

Slogan: Vote for me and I’ll make residency rights through birth for mainland mothers illegal and punishable by up to 400 years in prison.

Harsh but fair, Kathy, harsh but fair.

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.Soul Brother George

Slogan: I'll do what it takes to keep mainlanders OUT and return the standard of living that they have robbed from us. Vote for me.

Slogan: I’ll do whatever it takes to keep mainlanders heavily restricted and return the standard of living that they have robbed from us…starting with a Suitcase Shopping Gestapo. I’ll make it illegal to haul a suitcase that contains anything but your travel luggage. Mainlanders buying milk powder, chemist products, shitting in the street, hoarding or crowding will be shot on sight. Vote for me.

Music to our ears George.

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Oh yeah! We like this democracy thing…we like it a lot. The only problematic thing about democracy is which awesome candidate to choose?! They all share a similar policy platform…there’s a common thread to their vision for the future. They are all so good. Anyway, that’s what true democracy is all about isn’t it…the pleasure of quality choice…the smorgasboard of excellent options at your fingertips. Nothing can go wrong once we have democracy. These Commie pricks won’t stand a chance once we elect the right man for the job and let him clean up this shithole.

Get the fuck out you dirty locusts

Get the fuck out you dirty locusts

Peace!

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Posted in Hong Kong | 2 Comments

Hong Kong Protests China Lies

Power to the people

Power to the people

Poor little Hong Kong. The one country, two systems formula has been turning sour by degrees for some time now. What a shock! Under the terms of its return to Beijing rule in 1997, Hong Kong was guaranteed a great deal of autonomy until 2047. That means freedom of speech, assembly and religion. It means a free press and a local government that represents the interests of the local people…a government for the people, by the people. But with the announcement by Beijing that the Central Government will hand-pick and approve all candidates for the 2017 Chief Executive Elections, tear gas canisters and pepper spray flying 2 seconds into pro-democracy protests, a thinly veiled pro-Beijing media chipping away at the legitimacy of Occupy Central and a flagrantly unsympathetic Chief Executive, the reality looks like the hundreds of thousands of desperate protesters trying to stand up for the future of their city are hitting nothing but dead ends. The city they love…their home…is being overrun in every possible way and is at risk of becoming just another city in China.

CY Lacky

CY Lacky

An awesome display

An awesome display

But it’s not really so much 2017 that Hong Kongers are worried about, that’s just solidified their resentment…it’s what is happening in Hong Kong now, and what has been happening in Hong Kong for some time that’s united this current awesome display of people power. These massive peaceful protests are about local Hong Kong disatisfaction with having to live as virtual second class citizens in their own home while hoards of wealthy mainland Chinese consumers strut the streets of Hong Kong buying everything that’s not nailed down, driving property prices and rent through the stratosphere, taking hospital beds, welfare, school places, jobs and automatic residency rights through birth…in a nutshell – lowering the standard of living for Hong Kong local residents. It’s a free-for-all…an unlimited mainland pig trough. Hog heaven.

Over the last few years particularly, Hong Kong/ mainland relations couldn’t be much lower. Who could forget class act, Kong Qingdong, the Chinese Professor who called Hong Kongers bastards and running dogs? Or the ‘Mainland Locust’ campaign? The D&G protests, milk powder, public urination and defacation, hard core chemist shop product hoarding, overcrowding, shameless suitcase shopping and a host of other niggling issues that underlie a more serious problem. Hong Kongers fear an encroachment on their way of life, a slow suffocation as they are swamped and crushed, invaded and infiltrated. Anti-mainalnd sentiment dominates Hong Kong opinion and rightly so, because China is a treacherous bald faced liar.

Fuck you Dolce & Gabbana.

Fuck you Dolce & Gabbana.

Everything that's not nailed down

Everything that’s not nailed down

Straight shooter, King Qing

Straight shooter, King Qingdong, discusses dogs and spanking…in a raw manner

Get the insecticide

Get the insecticide

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Far be it from me to say…but if I was a local, I wouldn’t be occupying Central for democracy, peace and love…I’d be occupying it for complete independence from one of the world’s all time major players in corruption, greed, inequality, authoritarianism, hypocricy, persecution and crime.

Too bad HK is so dependent on China…or that might just work.

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All the best Hong Kong…may the force be with you!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Hong Kong | 4 Comments

Hong Kong: Breaking News

What a scoop! Hong Kong Sucks has just received a leaked document purporting to detail the short list for the 2017 Chief Executive Elections. I really don’t know what all the fuss is about. Talk about spoilt for choice! It looks like Beijing has kicked nothing but goals in hand picking the candidates for Hong Kong. Each one is more eligible than the last and the public exposure of this explosive document is sure to not only send a pleasant ripple of calm and satisfaction through the protesting masses…but send them dutifully on home, chuckling bashfully, at their rash mistrust of righteous China. So, here it is…or should I say, here they are…the 2017 nominees for Chief Executive of Hong Kong. Happy voting, voters!

Candidate 1: Mr Wang Shoxin

Minister of Finance Wang Shoxin

Minister of Finance Wang Shoxin

Name:              Wang Shoxin
Position:         Minister of Finance, Sociopath
Strengths:      bribery, kickbacks, theft, misappropriation, misspending of public funds, graft,  embezzlement, backdoor deals, nepotism, statistical falsification, money laundering
Weaknesses: hookers
Philosophy:   More money equals more hookers

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Candidate 2: Yan ‘Dancing Dave’ Binyu

Procurators-General of the Supreme People's Procuratorate Yan Binyu

Procurators-General of the Supreme People’s Procuratorate Yan Binyu

Name:           Yan Binyu
Alias:            Dancing Dave
Position:     Procurators-General of the Supreme People’s Procuratorate (Alibi Fabrication)
Hobbies:     Perverting the course of justice, official deviance, misuse of power, institutional structural corruption, precognitive thought crime retribution, dancing
Prediction: Quick on his feet, nimble and evasive, Dancing Dave stands a good chance.

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Candidate 3: Chan Liangyau

5th Member of the Politburo Chan Liangyau

5th Member of the Politburo Chan Liangyau

Name:                  Chan Liangyau
Achievements: Failed to adapt to a changing environment in the post-Mao era, successfully perverted the legitimacy of data collection of standardised surveys aimed at documenting the scope of corruption in the CCP
Interests:            ‘hits’, character assassination, fraud, swindling, pyramid schemes
Personal Goal: to shoot a tiger and have its head mounted in my kitchen

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Candidate 4: Jackie Chan

Let's clean up this town!

Let’s clean up this town!

Name:             Jackie Chan
Occupation: B-grade actor
Strengths:     Is well known
Weaknesses: has no credibility, is a B-grade actor
Likes:                Appearance fees

 

Candidate 5: Mr X

Mr Ping makes a withdrawal

Mr X makes a withdrawal

Name:    Mr X
Pros:      Remains at large & is anonymous
Cons:      Robs banks
Motto:   Don’t move, this is a stick up!

 

Candidate 6: Wong Yauyee

Goons...hired goons...

Goons…hired goons…

Name:            Wong Yauyee
Occupation: Goon…hired goon, henchman, saboteur provocateur
Skills:             One of CY Leung’s right hand men, Wong and his henchmen are skilled in the subversion of peaceful protest & infiltration. Can turn peaceful protest into chaos.
Enjoys:           Pottery, windsurfing

 

Candidate 7: Ying Ying

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Name:             Ying Ying
Likes:              Bamboo
Dislikes:        Ocean Park
Strengths:     Front runner
Weaknesses: can’t talk

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Candidate 8: The Devil

The ultimate darkhouse...but don't back him out.

The ultimate darkhorse…but don’t back him out.

Name:         Satan
Pros:            ‘can do’ attitude
Cons:           Possibly unhinged
Interests:   inequality, screaming, misery, pain & suffering
X Factor:    Could inhabit the body of any other candidate at any time

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Well, there you have it. Hong Kong’s in good hands.

Ying Ying in action

Ying Ying in action

Posted in Hong Kong | 3 Comments

The Century of Humiliation is Over!

An address from honourable leader Xi Jinping to the people of Hong Kong

An address from honourable leader Xi Jinping to the people of Hong Kong…

Hong Kong Comrades,

An ancient Chinese proverb says that it is a fool who judges people on the presents they give him. In 156 years of British rule, what did you receive? Widespread opium addiciton? The degraded, underground title of unofficial British Drug Money Laundering Capital of the World? People smuggling hub of the world? Illicit trade headquarters? A bank bearing your name which is so staggeringly corrupt it makes the National People’s Congress look like a retirement home knitting circle? A ruling presence which all but turned a blind eye to a routing Japanese invasion in 1941 that saw large-scale looting and the gang rape of more than 10,000 Hong Kong women? A political system where the rich get richer and the poor live in squalid cages or urinate where they lay groveling on the street? A superiority complex so ingrained that when you look to the north it is down the length of your nose? Friends, tell me what thing of substance British rule has given you in all these years? Democracy? Let me tell you a few home truths about democracy.

Yay democracy!

Yay democracy!

Democracy is a system run by corrupt felons scratching and clawing up each other’s backs in pursuit of money and power. Politicians are all bought and sold among highest bidders who use them to further grease their greedy aims. The media is a whore that can only be trusted to say what it is told to say and the idea of a fair system of vote, even if it was fair, is a diabolical choice between a steaming, nose stinging coiler on your bed sheets and a massive turd spattered and globbed all over your kitchen table.  Democratic chest-beater, the United States of America has spent the last 50 or 60 years framing brown people for crimes they did not commit and then bombing innocent men, women and children back to the stone age so they can ‘save them from one evil dictator or another’ all while, as luck would have it, securing influence over important global regions useful to many of the world’s top 40 or so businesses…which largely happen to be oil and gas concerns. It’s the stacked deck of mob rule, media spin, bribery and extortion that has kept countries like America from appearing as what they are…hired thugs of the rich and powerful…and appearing as what they are not…do-good cops in a dangerous world. But friends, the world is moving on. The thin veneer of democracy is peeling away. The world is a jungle and Xi Jinping offers you his protection.

Greed is good

Greed is good

Comrades, the People’s Communist Party of China welcomes you back into the fold. What you are experienceing now is only natural, considering all you have endured in more than 100 years of Running Dog rule. All of your aggression, your questioning, protesting and distrust is simply the result of mass societal schizophrenia. You are experiencing an episode characterized by abnormal social behaviour and failure to recognise what is real. Common symptoms include false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking and auditory hallucinations. Dr Xi sees all. Your minds are splintered and cloudy. A hundred odd years as a sham world city will do that to you. A hundred odd years as the West’s private piggy bank will do that to anyone. But comrades, hear me now and hear me well…this is where the healing begins. So go ahead and project all your anger onto the CPC…take to the streets…occupy Central…occupy Admiralty…occupy Tin Shui Wai if you must. Occupy for democracy. Protest in the name of  this sick mirage…this abused system of corruption and greed. Get it out of your system. We assure you that, for now, your slings and arrows, spite and hate will be received with understanding and love. Because that’s the kind of organisation the CPC is. And when you are ready to finally come home, after this transient public psychotic phase, we will be waiting with our arms open…and we will never, ever let you go again. That is a promise.

Teething problems

Teething problems. A little bit of tear gas never hurt anyone.

Citizens, a wise man from northern China once said something that I think is poignant and pertinent given the current situation in Hong Kong. It is a proverb that we can all learn from and how I choose to end my address…up the dosage Hong Kong because the rat who gnaws at a cat’s tail invites destruction.

Your benevolent leader,

Xi Jinping
September 2014

This post sponsored by HSBC...laundering drug money and other ill gains since 1865.

This post sponsored by HSBC…laundering drug money and other ill-gotten gains since 1865.

 

Posted in Hong Kong | 9 Comments

An Evening With CY Leung

Dearest Comrades,

Hong Kong is entering a new age…a golden age of glory, double luckiness and prosperity. With our people happily snuggling closer and closer to the great boob, Mother China, things are really starting to look up. Hong Kongers can finally fill their hearts with true pride and embrace all that our northern brothers and sisters stand for…or as the case may be…run away from…

Friends and loyalists, ours is a great Party, a glorious Party, a correct Party and it is my opinion that the international situation has now reached a new turning point for Hong Kong. There are two winds in the world today, the East Wind and the West Wind. There is a Chinese saying, “Either the East Wind prevails over the West Wind or the West Wind prevails over the East Wind.” I believe it is characteristic of the situation today that the East Wind is prevailing over the West Wind. The west is dead. We must leave its corpse and go our own way with haste. People of Hong Kong, look to the north…look to the north I say and let our brothers and sisters of Shanghai Metro Line 2 guide us.

If we could dim the lights for the video please…

Truly stirring stuff. I say again brothers and sisters…let our comrades to the north lead the way. Abandon the West my friends…abandon it like a lifeless body on the floor of a public train. Flee with great speed! Look proudly to Shanghai Metro Line 2 and feel as one. For there, our soul…our purpose, shines like the glazing on a delicious suckling pig. Hong Kong is China. China is Hong Kong. The unification of our country, the unity of our people – these are the basic guarantees of the sure triumph of our cause.

Good evening,

CY Leung

CY Leung receives the traditional Communist party salute.

CY Leung receives the traditional Communist party salute.

An affectionate caricature of CY Leung as a puppet had the crowd in stitches.

This affectionate caricature of CY Leung as a puppet had the crowd in stitches.

Ask yourself this...when you're on the train and another human being passes out right in front of you...do you...a) dial an emergency number immediately b) leap to the stricken man's aid and help out in any way you can OR c) RUN!

Ask yourself this…when you’re on the train and another human being passes out right in front of your face…do you…a) dial an emergency number immediately b) leap to the stricken man’s aid and help out in any way you can or c) RUN!

If you answered c) RUN! you're a patriot. Correct!

If you answered c) RUN! you’re a true patriot. Correct!

For more check out chinasmack: http://www.chinasmack.com/2014/stories/foreigner-passes-out-on-shanghai-subway-causes-panic.html

Asked to comment on the old truism: When a person collapses, they can be helped up, but when human compassion has collapsed, it can never be helped back up, CY Leung remarked: Hahaha try your best, you can do it.

Reporter: I’ve heard it said that when a person collapses, they can be helped up, but when human compassion has collapsed, it can never be helped back up. Mr Leung, how would you respond to such a sentiment? CY Leung: Hahaha try your best, you can do it.    

No animals were harmed in the making of this post except this butchered suckling pig. Sure aint gonna be suckling anymore ;)

No animals were harmed during the making of this post except this butchered ‘suckling pig’ which, judging by its snarling death grimace and charred hide, lived a short life of abject terror and died a cruel and painful death. No more suckling where you are now boy :)

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Good evening comrades.

Posted in Hong Kong | 8 Comments

Riot On Hong Kong!

China has a long a proud history. We must reflect that in our policy for Hong Kong.

China has a long and proud history that is beyond reproach. We must reflect that in our policy for Hong Kong. Good idea. Let’s hand pick the candidates for public office. Fuck that…let’s just hand pick the winning candidate. Perfect.

There’s a bit of a conflict simmering in Hong Kong as we speak. If I’m reading this right, in the blue corner we have freedom loving, free thinking anarchists who hold the crazy view that the cities top official should rise from democratically inspired nominations…someone who, maybe, oh I don’t know…can actually represent the attitudes, values and beliefs of the average man on the street. Insane! In the red corner, we have blinkered, mindless food chewers. These are the deeply deluded, hopelessly hoodwinked and pathetically patriotic non-thinkers who are OK with Beijing ordaining Hong Kong’s leading official and barring all those deemed ‘unacceptable’. Clearly the situation is wiggity, wiggity wack…but…lol…that’s Hong Kong for you.

So anyway, there’s been protests from the blue corner (see July 1st) and yesterday it seems a bunch of old people managed to tear themselves away from the coupon section of their free local MTR rag to assemble on behalf of the red corner. They were joined by paid ignorant youth groups from around Hong Kong and number swelling ranks of Indonesian and Filipino domestic helpers who, naturally, didn’t have a choice whether they wanted to be there or not. Here’s a few comments from the SCMP LIVE BLOG as the protest unfolded:

From the SCMP live comment blog -

“I don’t know, I’m just here to join the fun. I only know it’s for anti-Occupy Central.”

“Whistles blown half-heartedly can be heard from time to time but most people look indifferent. It seems like a march without a soul,”

“Occupy Central can’t be peaceful, it must break the law. That’s why I’m against it,”

“Occupy Central harms Hong Kong economy. There will be no overseas investment if Hong Kong society is always in a mess and full of anger. Hong Kong needs to be peaceful and political reform should progress slowly.”

“We are tourists,”

“The organisers are amateur and don’t have experience organising marches,”

“Even I don’t know what’s happening. It’s all messed up.”

“I come here to play, to buy things”. Another, an 18-year-old chef from Shenzhen, told Agence France-Presse that he was “not very sure” why he was taking part, and had only attended because his friend had asked him to.

The march is rather a lacklustre affair, according to Post reporters on the ground.

One marcher threw a tray of 24 eggs at members of People Power, who support the Occupy movement, but the eggs hit a woman police officer – No arrest?

“Jia you” they shout in Putonghua, which roughly translates as: “Try your best, you can do it!”

“This is the most organised protest I have covered over the years,” writes Post reporter Jeffie Lam. (good patriot)

Wong Xu, 28, a media worker from the northeast Liaoning province is among the marchers. He said he came to Hong Kong to visit his friends and took the opportunity to join the march.

One woman said: “I am here to oppose Occupy Central as it will mess up Hong Kong … political reform? What is political reform?”

They are speaking in the Fujian dialect and many are reluctant to take any questions from reporters.

“3.05pm: A number of South Asian men have joined the protest, dressed in the red shirts carrying the logo of the Federation of Hong Kong Shenzhen Association. One participant, who did not give his name, refused to say whether they were being paid to join the march. “We are tourists,” he said.”

“4.20pm: One woman taking part told the Post that she had only joined the march after direct pressure from her seniors at work. The woman, who did not want to be identified for fear of reprisals, said she was from Hong Kong but some of her colleagues had travelled from Shenzhen. “I would not have joined if there was no pressure,” she said, adding that she normally took part in Hong Kong’s July 1 demonstration.”

…good god…

"We want everything to be stable," Ms Lai, 50, said, in Mandarin Chinese. Hmmm

“We want everything to be stable,” Ms Lai, 50, said, in Mandarin Chinese. Hmmm alarm bells…is that…? “We want everybody to live harmoniously.” Oh god it is…it’s group think…RUN…RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Participant number chicanery - see image below.

Participant number chicanery – see image below.

Many participants brought their Indonesian and Filipino domestic helpers, who 'donned shirts' and 'waved Chinese flags'. lol

Many participants brought their Indonesian and Filipino domestic helpers, who ‘donned shirts’ and ‘waved Chinese flags’. Dear god.

Typical Chinese chicanery. Top: July 1st. Bottom: August 17th.

Shameless deception: Yet photographs taken at the peak points of both marches, at the same location, show many more people on the street on July 1. Typical Chinese government/ media chicanery. Top: July 1st. Bottom: August 17th.

...a bunch old people managed to tear themselves away from the coupon section of their free local MTR rag...

…a bunch of old people managed to tear themselves away from the coupon section of their free local MTR rag…

Scenes from a pro-government propaganda video highlighting the potential terror of Occupy Central plans

Scenes from a pro-government propaganda video highlighting the mayhem Occupy Central will cause.

This post brought to you by creepy Chinese propaganda.

This post brought to you by creepy Chinese propaganda.

Relax, the government is in control. Baaa...baaaaaaaa...

Relax, the government is in control. Baaa…baaaaaaaa…

Is there a conclusion to any of this? The Occupy Central movement wants democracy and are prepared to…occupy Central in protest for it. The pro-government rallyists fear such a protest will bring Hong Kong to its financial knees forever because bankers won’t be able to get into Central to work for a day…or something. At least, that’s what they say…what they wont outwardly say of course is that it’s the idea of democratically nominated candidates that is the real boogeyman. The Chinese government is not prepared to entertain the idea of a Hong Kong where people are encouraged to think for themselves or have a fair say in decision making. What they want, without barely a skerrick of pretense otherwise, is good old fashioned tight Chinese control. Accusing Occupy Central groups of ‘sabotaging Hong Kong finance’ is a piss-weak deflection away from what really worries them and what historically has always worried the Chinese – free thinkers and people who question authority.

Visually impaired Freddy could see that quicker than you could shout try your best, you can do it!

“Jia you” they shout in Putonghua, which roughly translates as: “Try your best, you can do it!”??

LOL…try your best, you can do it the pro-government protesters shouted? Try your best? You can do it? Do what?? Try your best, you can attend a protest as a paid volunteer? Try your best as a Filipino domestic helper to show your love for Beijing? How fucked in the head are these people??

Very fucked in the head judging by all this residual reportage concerning ‘protestors for hire’…

 

 

  •  PENSIONERS JOIN PRO-GOVERNMENT MARCH – “It is normal to have a little bit of a subsidy when you are at a march. Some (marches) give more, some less, but this time we only get a little money for food,” Chan Chiu-fat, 55, said. In a Whatsapp message seen by Reuters, people were offered HK$350 ($45) to attend the rally “for five hours”. The message sender, however, declined to provide their name or background
An undercover iCable reporter captures protesters being paid to attend Sunday’s rally.

An undercover iCable reporter captures protesters being paid to attend Sunday’s rally.

Here's your $350. Now take your red shirt and go over there. Your slogan: TRY YOUR BEST, YOU CAN DO IT! Don't ask questions. Just go.

Here’s your $$$. Now take your red shirt and go over there. Your slogan: TRY YOUR BEST, YOU CAN DO IT! Don’t ask questions. Just go.

Indonesian domestic workers don red shirts for the pro-Beijing rally, via NYT’s Mike Forsythe on Twitter.

Indonesian domestic workers don red shirts and enjoy a day off for the pro-Beijing rally. ‘What do I care? It sure beats scrubbing Mrs Chan’s toilet all day…not to mention being savagely beaten by her for missing a spot.’

March organiser Robert Chow (right) with a member of the Silent Majority for Hong Kong.

March organiser Robert Chow (right) with a member of the Silent Majority for Hong Kong. Each a deadshit in his own right.

As the demonstration came to a close, Apple Daily and netizens lamented the rubbish and flags left behind in Victoria Park and along the protest route. The New York Times reports that, during pro-democracy rallies, participants usually clear up debris voluntarily afterwards.

As the demonstration came to a close, Apple Daily and netizens lamented the rubbish and flags left behind in Victoria Park and along the protest route. The New York Times reports that, during pro-democracy rallies, participants usually clear up debris voluntarily afterwards.

So…the pro-government movement recruits the young and gullible (by bribing them), old aged pensioners (also by bribing them) and Indonesian & Filipino domestic helpers (by ordering them)…to fight the evil monster that is the right to fair and democratic election?

Now, I don’t know shit from shit…but that sounds pretty wack!

RIP Chris Kelly

RIP Chris Kelly

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PS…for a seriously good analysis of this whole affair go no further than this article from biglychee.com

HONG KONG’S BIZARRE ‘FUJIANESE AGAINST FREEDOM’ MARCH:

http://biglychee.com/blog/?p=12447

Here’s a rather large snippet…

Yesterday’s ‘Alliance for Peace and Democracy’ procession against Occupy Central is officially portrayed as the silent majority opposing lawlessness and disaster. It mainly highlighted the weirdness resulting from the political/social/cultural gap between the Chinese government and the mainstream Hong Kong population.

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When the forces that hold power organize a street demonstration against the forces who don’t hold power – that is, the government holds a march against the populace – you know something strange is happening. Despite its title, the protest had no positive aim. It was a demonstration against demonstrating. It was demanding that people stop demanding things. It was a march for silence and obedience, and acceptance of unrepresentative (not to say poor) government.

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Obviously, participants in such a march are not going to be an average cross-section of society. Pro-democracy gatherings lean disproportionately towards Hong Kong’s middle-class, young, educated – and disgruntled. But yesterday’s crowd didn’t even include many of their local demographic opposites. There were some of those elderly grumpy villagers who hate everything and came voluntarily, if not with great enthusiasm. But they seemed seriously outnumbered by people who were paid, fed, pressured or blatantly shipped in from across the border.

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It’s not fair to pick on the cops, or indeed on everyone else involved and also just following orders. This event was an exercise in self-humiliation for the whole government and establishment (you think lawmaker Regina Ip or landlord Allan Zeman felt good being part of this charade?). Some months ago, we can guess, a tyrant and user of black hair dye in Beijing banged the table with his fist and demanded that the CIA-backed splittist Occupy Central movement in Hong Kong be crushed. Such is China’s no-questions, punishment-oriented system that the order was passed down through the local Liaison Office and out through the United Front to Hong Kong officials, loyalists and shoe-shiners. They dutifully went through the motions, resulting in the absurd phoniness and massive overkill of the anti-Occupy campaign.

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It is surprising that Beijing has such an inadequate power base in Hong Kong in 2014 that it has to beg and bribe (and import) people just to pretend to be its friends. And even with all those organizational and financial resources, this parade of morose rather-be-shopping litterbugs is the best the United Front can manage? They have control, but no influence. Which is almost sad, in a way.

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Nice.

Posted in Hong Kong | 9 Comments