An Evening With CY Leung

Dearest Comrades,

Hong Kong is entering a new age…a golden age of glory, double luckiness and prosperity. With our people happily snuggling closer and closer to the great boob, Mother China, things are really starting to look up. Hong Kongers can finally fill their hearts with true pride and embrace all that our northern brothers and sisters stand for…or as the case may be…run away from…

Friends and loyalists, ours is a great Party, a glorious Party, a correct Party and it is my opinion that the international situation has now reached a new turning point for Hong Kong. There are two winds in the world today, the East Wind and the West Wind. There is a Chinese saying, “Either the East Wind prevails over the West Wind or the West Wind prevails over the East Wind.” I believe it is characteristic of the situation today that the East Wind is prevailing over the West Wind. The west is dead. We must leave its corpse and go our own way with haste. People of Hong Kong, look to the north…look to the north I say and let our brothers and sisters of Shanghai Metro Line 2 guide us.

If we could dim the lights for the video please…

Truly stirring stuff. I say again brothers and sisters…let our comrades to the north lead the way. Abandon the West my friends…abandon it like a lifeless body on the floor of a public train. Flee with great speed! Look proudly to Shanghai Metro Line 2 and feel as one. For there, our soul…our purpose, shines like the glazing on a delicious suckling pig. Hong Kong is China. China is Hong Kong. The unification of our country, the unity of our people – these are the basic guarantees of the sure triumph of our cause.

Good evening,

CY Leung

CY Leung receives the traditional Communist party salute.

CY Leung receives the traditional Communist party salute.

An affectionate caricature of CY Leung as a puppet had the crowd in stitches.

This affectionate caricature of CY Leung as a puppet had the crowd in stitches.

Ask yourself this...when you're on the train and another human being passes out right in front of you...do you...a) dial an emergency number immediately b) leap to the stricken man's aid and help out in any way you can OR c) RUN!

Ask yourself this…when you’re on the train and another human being passes out right in front of your face…do you…a) dial an emergency number immediately b) leap to the stricken man’s aid and help out in any way you can or c) RUN!

If you answered c) RUN! you're a patriot. Correct!

If you answered c) RUN! you’re a true patriot. Correct!

For more check out chinasmack: http://www.chinasmack.com/2014/stories/foreigner-passes-out-on-shanghai-subway-causes-panic.html

Asked to comment on the old truism: When a person collapses, they can be helped up, but when human compassion has collapsed, it can never be helped back up, CY Leung remarked: Hahaha try your best, you can do it.

Reporter: I’ve heard it said that when a person collapses, they can be helped up, but when human compassion has collapsed, it can never be helped back up. Mr Leung, how would you respond to such a sentiment? CY Leung: Hahaha try your best, you can do it.    

No animals were harmed in the making of this post except this butchered suckling pig. Sure aint gonna be suckling anymore ;)

No animals were harmed during the making of this post except this butchered ‘suckling pig’ which, judging by its snarling death grimace and charred hide, lived a short life of abject terror and died a cruel and painful death. No more suckling where you are now boy :)

.

Good evening comrades.

Posted in Hong Kong | 6 Comments

Riot On Hong Kong!

China has a long a proud history. We must reflect that in our policy for Hong Kong.

China has a long and proud history that is beyond reproach. We must reflect that in our policy for Hong Kong. Good idea. Let’s hand pick the candidates for public office. Fuck that…let’s just hand pick the winning candidate. Perfect.

There’s a bit of a conflict simmering in Hong Kong as we speak. If I’m reading this right, in the blue corner we have freedom loving, free thinking anarchists who hold the crazy view that the cities top official should rise from democratically inspired nominations…someone who, maybe, oh I don’t know…can actually represent the attitudes, values and beliefs of the average man on the street. Insane! In the red corner, we have blinkered, mindless food chewers. These are the deeply deluded, hopelessly hoodwinked and pathetically patriotic non-thinkers who are OK with Beijing ordaining Hong Kong’s leading official and barring all those deemed ‘unacceptable’. Clearly the situation is wiggity, wiggity wack…but…lol…that’s Hong Kong for you.

So anyway, there’s been protests from the blue corner (see July 1st) and yesterday it seems a bunch of old people managed to tear themselves away from the coupon section of their free local MTR rag to assemble on behalf of the red corner. They were joined by paid ignorant youth groups from around Hong Kong and number swelling ranks of Indonesian and Filipino domestic helpers who, naturally, didn’t have a choice whether they wanted to be there or not. Here’s a few comments from the SCMP LIVE BLOG as the protest unfolded:

From the SCMP live comment blog -

“I don’t know, I’m just here to join the fun. I only know it’s for anti-Occupy Central.”

“Whistles blown half-heartedly can be heard from time to time but most people look indifferent. It seems like a march without a soul,”

“Occupy Central can’t be peaceful, it must break the law. That’s why I’m against it,”

“Occupy Central harms Hong Kong economy. There will be no overseas investment if Hong Kong society is always in a mess and full of anger. Hong Kong needs to be peaceful and political reform should progress slowly.”

“We are tourists,”

“The organisers are amateur and don’t have experience organising marches,”

“Even I don’t know what’s happening. It’s all messed up.”

“I come here to play, to buy things”. Another, an 18-year-old chef from Shenzhen, told Agence France-Presse that he was “not very sure” why he was taking part, and had only attended because his friend had asked him to.

The march is rather a lacklustre affair, according to Post reporters on the ground.

One marcher threw a tray of 24 eggs at members of People Power, who support the Occupy movement, but the eggs hit a woman police officer – No arrest?

“Jia you” they shout in Putonghua, which roughly translates as: “Try your best, you can do it!”

“This is the most organised protest I have covered over the years,” writes Post reporter Jeffie Lam. (good patriot)

Wong Xu, 28, a media worker from the northeast Liaoning province is among the marchers. He said he came to Hong Kong to visit his friends and took the opportunity to join the march.

One woman said: “I am here to oppose Occupy Central as it will mess up Hong Kong … political reform? What is political reform?”

They are speaking in the Fujian dialect and many are reluctant to take any questions from reporters.

“3.05pm: A number of South Asian men have joined the protest, dressed in the red shirts carrying the logo of the Federation of Hong Kong Shenzhen Association. One participant, who did not give his name, refused to say whether they were being paid to join the march. “We are tourists,” he said.”

“4.20pm: One woman taking part told the Post that she had only joined the march after direct pressure from her seniors at work. The woman, who did not want to be identified for fear of reprisals, said she was from Hong Kong but some of her colleagues had travelled from Shenzhen. “I would not have joined if there was no pressure,” she said, adding that she normally took part in Hong Kong’s July 1 demonstration.”

…good god…

"We want everything to be stable," Ms Lai, 50, said, in Mandarin Chinese. Hmmm

“We want everything to be stable,” Ms Lai, 50, said, in Mandarin Chinese. Hmmm alarm bells…is that…? “We want everybody to live harmoniously.” Oh god it is…it’s group think…RUN…RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Participant number chicanery - see image below.

Participant number chicanery – see image below.

Many participants brought their Indonesian and Filipino domestic helpers, who 'donned shirts' and 'waved Chinese flags'. lol

Many participants brought their Indonesian and Filipino domestic helpers, who ‘donned shirts’ and ‘waved Chinese flags’. Dear god.

Typical Chinese chicanery. Top: July 1st. Bottom: August 17th.

Shameless deception: Yet photographs taken at the peak points of both marches, at the same location, show many more people on the street on July 1. Typical Chinese government/ media chicanery. Top: July 1st. Bottom: August 17th.

...a bunch old people managed to tear themselves away from the coupon section of their free local MTR rag...

…a bunch of old people managed to tear themselves away from the coupon section of their free local MTR rag…

Scenes from a pro-government propaganda video highlighting the potential terror of Occupy Central plans

Scenes from a pro-government propaganda video highlighting the mayhem Occupy Central will cause.

This post brought to you by creepy Chinese propaganda.

This post brought to you by creepy Chinese propaganda.

Relax, the government is in control. Baaa...baaaaaaaa...

Relax, the government is in control. Baaa…baaaaaaaa…

Is there a conclusion to any of this? The Occupy Central movement wants democracy and are prepared to…occupy Central in protest for it. The pro-government rallyists fear such a protest will bring Hong Kong to its financial knees forever because bankers won’t be able to get into Central to work for a day…or something. At least, that’s what they say…what they wont outwardly say of course is that it’s the idea of democratically nominated candidates that is the real boogeyman. The Chinese government is not prepared to entertain the idea of a Hong Kong where people are encouraged to think for themselves or have a fair say in decision making. What they want, without barely a skerrick of pretense otherwise, is good old fashioned tight Chinese control. Accusing Occupy Central groups of ‘sabotaging Hong Kong finance’ is a piss-weak deflection away from what really worries them and what historically has always worried the Chinese – free thinkers and people who question authority.

Visually impaired Freddy could see that quicker than you could shout try your best, you can do it!

“Jia you” they shout in Putonghua, which roughly translates as: “Try your best, you can do it!”??

LOL…try your best, you can do it the pro-government protesters shouted? Try your best? You can do it? Do what?? Try your best, you can attend a protest as a paid volunteer? Try your best as a Filipino domestic helper to show your love for Beijing? How fucked in the head are these people??

Very fucked in the head judging by all this residual reportage concerning ‘protestors for hire’…

 

 

  •  PENSIONERS JOIN PRO-GOVERNMENT MARCH – “It is normal to have a little bit of a subsidy when you are at a march. Some (marches) give more, some less, but this time we only get a little money for food,” Chan Chiu-fat, 55, said. In a Whatsapp message seen by Reuters, people were offered HK$350 ($45) to attend the rally “for five hours”. The message sender, however, declined to provide their name or background
An undercover iCable reporter captures protesters being paid to attend Sunday’s rally.

An undercover iCable reporter captures protesters being paid to attend Sunday’s rally.

Here's your $350. Now take your red shirt and go over there. Your slogan: TRY YOUR BEST, YOU CAN DO IT! Don't ask questions. Just go.

Here’s your $$$. Now take your red shirt and go over there. Your slogan: TRY YOUR BEST, YOU CAN DO IT! Don’t ask questions. Just go.

Indonesian domestic workers don red shirts for the pro-Beijing rally, via NYT’s Mike Forsythe on Twitter.

Indonesian domestic workers don red shirts and enjoy a day off for the pro-Beijing rally. ‘What do I care? It sure beats scrubbing Mrs Chan’s toilet all day…not to mention being savagely beaten by her for missing a spot.’

March organiser Robert Chow (right) with a member of the Silent Majority for Hong Kong.

March organiser Robert Chow (right) with a member of the Silent Majority for Hong Kong. Each a deadshit in his own right.

As the demonstration came to a close, Apple Daily and netizens lamented the rubbish and flags left behind in Victoria Park and along the protest route. The New York Times reports that, during pro-democracy rallies, participants usually clear up debris voluntarily afterwards.

As the demonstration came to a close, Apple Daily and netizens lamented the rubbish and flags left behind in Victoria Park and along the protest route. The New York Times reports that, during pro-democracy rallies, participants usually clear up debris voluntarily afterwards.

So…the pro-government movement recruits the young and gullible (by bribing them), old aged pensioners (also by bribing them) and Indonesian & Filipino domestic helpers (by ordering them)…to fight the evil monster that is the right to fair and democratic election?

Now, I don’t know shit from shit…but that sounds pretty wack!

RIP Chris Kelly

RIP Chris Kelly

.

PS…for a seriously good analysis of this whole affair go no further than this article from biglychee.com

HONG KONG’S BIZARRE ‘FUJIANESE AGAINST FREEDOM’ MARCH:

http://biglychee.com/blog/?p=12447

Here’s a rather large snippet…

Yesterday’s ‘Alliance for Peace and Democracy’ procession against Occupy Central is officially portrayed as the silent majority opposing lawlessness and disaster. It mainly highlighted the weirdness resulting from the political/social/cultural gap between the Chinese government and the mainstream Hong Kong population.

.
When the forces that hold power organize a street demonstration against the forces who don’t hold power – that is, the government holds a march against the populace – you know something strange is happening. Despite its title, the protest had no positive aim. It was a demonstration against demonstrating. It was demanding that people stop demanding things. It was a march for silence and obedience, and acceptance of unrepresentative (not to say poor) government.

.
Obviously, participants in such a march are not going to be an average cross-section of society. Pro-democracy gatherings lean disproportionately towards Hong Kong’s middle-class, young, educated – and disgruntled. But yesterday’s crowd didn’t even include many of their local demographic opposites. There were some of those elderly grumpy villagers who hate everything and came voluntarily, if not with great enthusiasm. But they seemed seriously outnumbered by people who were paid, fed, pressured or blatantly shipped in from across the border.

.

It’s not fair to pick on the cops, or indeed on everyone else involved and also just following orders. This event was an exercise in self-humiliation for the whole government and establishment (you think lawmaker Regina Ip or landlord Allan Zeman felt good being part of this charade?). Some months ago, we can guess, a tyrant and user of black hair dye in Beijing banged the table with his fist and demanded that the CIA-backed splittist Occupy Central movement in Hong Kong be crushed. Such is China’s no-questions, punishment-oriented system that the order was passed down through the local Liaison Office and out through the United Front to Hong Kong officials, loyalists and shoe-shiners. They dutifully went through the motions, resulting in the absurd phoniness and massive overkill of the anti-Occupy campaign.

.

It is surprising that Beijing has such an inadequate power base in Hong Kong in 2014 that it has to beg and bribe (and import) people just to pretend to be its friends. And even with all those organizational and financial resources, this parade of morose rather-be-shopping litterbugs is the best the United Front can manage? They have control, but no influence. Which is almost sad, in a way.

.

Nice.

Posted in Hong Kong | 9 Comments

Hong Kong: Keystone Cops!?

I don’t care what anyone says…Hong Kong police are damn good at their job. Look at this textbook piece of law enforcement! Study how they cordon off the area, work efficiently as a team and get their man with a minimum of fuss…hmmm maybe I’m wrong…take a closer look and watch as oblivious HK pedestrians amble like morons right through the middle of a clearly chaotic and posssibly dangerous scene…of how standers-by are totally free to try out their choke hold skills and arm bar technique…of how a deranged woman is permitted to buzz and interfere around the scene  for 8 minutes wailing like the drunk baglady she clearly is and of how every man and his booze adled dog is able to offer up all kinds of slurred advice to rattled and indecisive police.

Sure it’s not easy dealing with drunks on the street but come on…there were about 40 fucking coppers on the scene! Anyway, I suppose they can be cut a bit of slack…these kinds of ugly scenes happen a thousand times a night in places like America, Canada, England or Australia…where agitators and anyone who even looked like interfering with police business would be tazered into a ball of screaming pain and dispatched to a cell quicker than you could say Book ‘em Danno! HK coppers just aren’t used to dealing with it I suppose.

Plus…who knows what kinds of goofballs that guy was hooped up on?!!

Goofballs!

Goofballs!

This post brought to you by keeping your cool on the hot hot streets on HK...

This post brought to you by keeping your cool on the hot hot streets of HK…

...and...fuck it...keeping your cool in fully air-conditioned shopping malls...

…and…fuck it…keeping your cool in fully air-conditioned shopping malls…

...and by stringent HK safety.

…and by stringent HK safety.

Posted in Hong Kong | 10 Comments

Hong Kong: You Shall Not Pass!

Hong Kong’s the safest city on the planet. You probably won’t get mugged, curb-stomped, shot in a drive-by, hung by the neck from an overpass by Mexican drug lords or publicly stoned for being raped. Bonus. What a town!

Hong Kong’s held together by a sensible adherence to safe practice…that’s why you’re urged 40 times a second to don’t keep your eyes only on the mobile phone when on the escalator…and that’s why sensibly placed padlocked gates dot public areas, defying even the nosiest of explorers from stumbling their way to certain death.

You shall not pass

You shall not pass

No way through

No way through here…or…

Common sense safety Hong Kong style

Common sense safety Hong Kong style. Impregnable!

Ok it's easy to access the stairs...

Ok it’s easy to access the stairs…

...now welcome to your doom...

…now welcome to your doom…

This post brought to you by the geniuses at Hong Kong Safety Mark...

This post brought to you by the geniuses at Hong Kong Safety Mark…

...and by the safest road crossers you will ever see.

…and by the safest road crossers you’ll ever see. Kid’s in pedestrian lockdown!

 

Posted in Hong Kong | 8 Comments

Hong Kong Obsession with Superficiality & Bullshit

When you reach the age of 15 months in Hong Kong it’s time for a sit down and a serious talk with your parents. Son. This is it. The rest of your life will be dictated by your actions today. Everything rides on this. Don’t disgrace us.

And with those tender reminders it’s off to your $4000, 1.5 hour Pre…Pre-Nursery interview and attainment test. Can you identify more than 20 kinds of fruit? Are you able to calculate simple equations to 2 decimal places by hand? Can you follow simple instructions? Can you ‘give me the ball’? How do you react when taken to a seperate room from your mother?

Now it’s time for some questions for mummy and daddy. What colour is your skin? What is your status…job, wealth, education? Is your child developmentally challenged? Club foot? Cleft lip?

YOU MUST STUDY HARD

YOU MUST STUDY HARD

This obsession with education in Hong Kong is as insane as the very society these 15 month old kids will eventually find themselves in. God knows when Hong Kong stopped being a community or ever was…but it’s a shopping mall now where most school leavers end up in the service industry.

And all this fervour…this delusion…this mania…this frothing at the mouth and fixation on education just chums the water for the kinds of two-bit slinking sharks who you can see loftily beaming down at you from billboards accross town in their totally fake roles as expert tutors. Check out these drinks of water…

Nothing but flim flams and shams

Nothing but flim flams and shams

We've turned education into a popularity contest and fashion show. Our goal? To see which tutor can appear the most vacuous.

We’ve turned education into a popularity contest and fashion show. Our goal? To see which tutor can appear the most vacuous.

Bullshit artists

Bullshit artists

Of course, Hong Kong people believe in this bullshit and lap these slimey turds up like ice-cream…because in Hong Kong what’s on the surface is all that counts.

Hangingh

I’m going to get a job in the service industry at a reasonably good hotel all because of you celebrity tutor! I like Korean drama!

Idiots

Posted in Hong Kong | 11 Comments

29° Celsius Cold Snap

Brrrrr

Brrrrr

This outfit will keep out the chill

This outfit will keep out the chill

A dollar each way...flannel top for the obvious chill factor..giant golf umbrella for the hot sun

A dollar each way…flannel top for the obvious chill factor…HUGE golf umbrella for the hot sun…

Rug up

Rug up

Wind breaker makes sense

Wind breaker makes sense because 29 degrees celsius is cold

Jack Frost's teeth are cold

Fuck you Jack Frost

Expecting snow

Expecting snow

This post brought to you by a refusal to walk

This post brought to you by a refusal to walk

This post brought to you by a refusal to move and failure to be aware

This post brought to you by a refusal to move, walk or demonstrate awareness for other people

God damn that looks tasty

God damn that looks tasty…

...but I think I'll go for the goose liver.

…but I think I’ll go for the goose liver…

...right after I get through this line...

…in about 45 minutes…

Posted in Hong Kong | 19 Comments

Let’s Have a Disgusting Selfish Picnic on the Bus!

Let's have a picnic on the bus. Good idea. I have cooked food and hot tea.

Let’s have a picnic on the bus. Good idea. I have cooked food and hot tea. But won’t the powerful smell of our cooked food, the sight of us eating on the bus and the sound of our slurping and smacking mouths annoy other passengers? Hahahahaha. No way. Let’s go!
Mummy I'm hungry and thirsty...oh darling mummy has brought some cooked food and a hot drink for your bus ride home let me rummage around in my bag and get it all ready for you darling...thanks mummy.

Mummy are you sure it’s ok to have a picnic on the bus? Oh darling mummy has brought some cooked food and a hot drink for your bus ride home. Mummy’s Indonesian slave…you know…the brown woman who sleeps under the sofa…helped to make it. Don’t worry. Let mummy rummage around in her bag and get it all ready for you…Ok thanks mummy.

Don't you mind a thing darling...clink and clank and scrape and slurp it all down. Dig that spoon right into every corner of that noisy metallic bowl. The louder you smack your gums together the happier mummy is.

Don’t you mind a thing my little fishball…clink and clank and scrape and slurp it all down. Dig that spoon right into every corner of that noisy metallic bowl. The louder you smack your gums together and the more often you stab that metal bowl with your metal spoon the happier mummy is. Make some noise my son!

Don't worry about those people holding their nose as the stench of your strange food wafts into their nostrils. They're just jealous. Smack your gums louder darling. Scrap and tap and clink and ting that metallic spoon all over that metallic bowl with a little more urgency darling.

Don’t worry about those people holding their nose at the stench of your bus picnic. Their stinging nostrils are just jealous. Smack your gums louder my little pig knuckle. Scrape and tap and clink and ting that metallic spoon all over that metallic bowl. There’s absolutely no reason at all not to.

Slurp it up. See how far you can get your head inside that bowl. Don't miss any. I won't mummy.

Slurp it up. See how far you can get your head inside that bowl. Don’t miss any. I won’t mummy. Tink tink clink clank tink slurp slap.

Time for some hot tea precious. Let mummy get it all ready for you.

Time for some hot tea my little dim sum. Here…let mummy get it all ready for you. Mummy why does that Indonesian sleep under our sofa? Hahaha. You don’t want her sharing your room do you? Hahaha no mummy. No way!

Mummy will pour some tea for you. You just keep eating. Keep shoveling food down your throat.

Mummy will pour some tea for you. You just keep eating. Keep shoveling food down your throat. I will mummy. Slap slap slurp burp chomp smack smack.

Let me feed you like a 10yo baby.

Let me feed you like an infant…even though you’re 10 years old.

There's my little milksop. Slurp it down. Noisily.

There’s my little milksop. Slurp it down. Noisily. I will mummy. Slurp slurp slurp.

I'll thank you all to mind your own business while I spoil and pamper my song with this delicious bus picnic.

I’ll thank you all to mind your own business while I spoil and pamper my son with this delicious bus picnic. Recoil from my lofty self important gaze.

And off we go. Enjoying our picnic in the bus safe from the choking smog.

And off we go. Enjoying our picnic on the bus safe from the choking smog.

This post brought to you by Hong Kong neighbours with the power of PROJECTION! Voices so ridiculously loud they barge out their closed door and right in through yours! It’s almost like having them in your own living room :) and no…the wailing voice doesn’t belong to someone waiting outside the lifts or in the corridor…she’s in her home…with her door shut

Posted in Hong Kong | 25 Comments