Riot On Hong Kong!

China has a long a proud history. We must reflect that in our policy for Hong Kong.

China has a long and proud history that is beyond reproach. We must reflect that in our policy for Hong Kong. Good idea. Let’s hand pick the candidates for public office. Fuck that…let’s just hand pick the winning candidate. Perfect.

There’s a bit of a conflict simmering in Hong Kong as we speak. If I’m reading this right, in the blue corner we have freedom loving, free thinking anarchists who hold the crazy view that the cities top official should rise from democratically inspired nominations…someone who, maybe, oh I don’t know…can actually represent the attitudes, values and beliefs of the average man on the street. Insane! In the red corner, we have blinkered, mindless food chewers. These are the deeply deluded, hopelessly hoodwinked and pathetically patriotic non-thinkers who are OK with Beijing ordaining Hong Kong’s leading official and barring all those deemed ‘unacceptable’. Clearly the situation is wiggity, wiggity wack…but…lol…that’s Hong Kong for you.

So anyway, there’s been protests from the blue corner (see July 1st) and yesterday it seems a bunch of old people managed to tear themselves away from the coupon section of their free local MTR rag to assemble on behalf of the red corner. They were joined by paid ignorant youth groups from around Hong Kong and number swelling ranks of Indonesian and Filipino domestic helpers who, naturally, didn’t have a choice whether they wanted to be there or not. Here’s a few comments from the SCMP LIVE BLOG as the protest unfolded:

From the SCMP live comment -

“I don’t know, I’m just here to join the fun. I only know it’s for anti-Occupy Central.”

“Whistles blown half-heartedly can be heard from time to time but most people look indifferent. It seems like a march without a soul,”

“Occupy Central can’t be peaceful, it must break the law. That’s why I’m against it,”

“Occupy Central harms Hong Kong economy. There will be no overseas investment if Hong Kong society is always in a mess and full of anger. Hong Kong needs to be peaceful and political reform should progress slowly.”

“We are tourists,”

“The organisers are amateur and don’t have experience organising marches,”

“Even I don’t know what’s happening. It’s all messed up.”

“I come here to play, to buy things”. Another, an 18-year-old chef from Shenzhen, told Agence France-Presse that he was “not very sure” why he was taking part, and had only attended because his friend had asked him to.

The march is rather a lacklustre affair, according to Post reporters on the ground.

One marcher threw a tray of 24 eggs at members of People Power, who support the Occupy movement, but the eggs hit a woman police officer – No arrest?

“Jia you” they shout in Putonghua, which roughly translates as: “Try your best, you can do it!”

“This is the most organised protest I have covered over the years,” writes Post reporter Jeffie Lam. (good patriot)

Wong Xu, 28, a media worker from the northeast Liaoning province is among the marchers. He said he came to Hong Kong to visit his friends and took the opportunity to join the march.

One woman said: “I am here to oppose Occupy Central as it will mess up Hong Kong … political reform? What is political reform?”

They are speaking in the Fujian dialect and many are reluctant to take any questions from reporters.

“3.05pm: A number of South Asian men have joined the protest, dressed in the red shirts carrying the logo of the Federation of Hong Kong Shenzhen Association. One participant, who did not give his name, refused to say whether they were being paid to join the march. “We are tourists,” he said.”

“4.20pm: One woman taking part told the Post that she had only joined the march after direct pressure from her seniors at work. The woman, who did not want to be identified for fear of reprisals, said she was from Hong Kong but some of her colleagues had travelled from Shenzhen. “I would not have joined if there was no pressure,” she said, adding that she normally took part in Hong Kong’s July 1 demonstration.”

…good god…

"We want everything to be stable," Ms Lai, 50, said, in Mandarin Chinese. Hmmm

“We want everything to be stable,” Ms Lai, 50, said, in Mandarin Chinese. Hmmm alarm bells…is that…? “We want everybody to live harmoniously.” Oh god it is…it’s group think…RUN…RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Participant number chicanery - see image below.

Participant number chicanery – see image below.

Many participants brought their Indonesian and Filipino domestic helpers, who 'donned shirts' and 'waved Chinese flags'. lol

Many participants brought their Indonesian and Filipino domestic helpers, who ‘donned shirts’ and ‘waved Chinese flags’. Dear god.

Typical Chinese chicanery. Top: July 1st. Bottom: August 17th.

Shameless deception: Yet photographs taken at the peak points of both marches, at the same location, show many more people on the street on July 1. Typical Chinese government/ media chicanery. Top: July 1st. Bottom: August 17th.

...a bunch old people managed to tear themselves away from the coupon section of their free local MTR rag...

…a bunch of old people managed to tear themselves away from the coupon section of their free local MTR rag…

This post brought to you by creepy Chinese propaganda.

This post brought to you by creepy Chinese propaganda.

Relax, the government is in control. Baaa...baaaaaaaa...

Relax, the government is in control. Baaa…baaaaaaaa…

Is there a conclusion to any of this? The Occupy Central movement wants democracy and are prepared to…occupy Central in protest for it. The pro-government rallyists fear such a protest will bring Hong Kong to its financial knees forever because bankers won’t be able to get into Central to work for a day…or something. They won’t outwardly say it, but the idea of democratically nominated candidates is obviously the boogeyman here for them. What it boils down to no doubt is that the Chinese government is not prepared to entertain the idea of a Hong Kong where people are encouraged to think for themselves or have a fair say in decision making. What they want, without barely a skerrick of pretense otherwise, is good old fashioned tight Chinese control. Accusing Occupy Central groups of ‘sabotaging Hong Kong finance’ is a piss-weak deflection away from what really worries them and what historically has always worried the Chinese – free thinkers and people who question authority.

Visually impaired Freddy could see that quicker than you could shout try your best, you can do it!

“Jia you” they shout in Putonghua, which roughly translates as: “Try your best, you can do it!”??

LOL…try your best, you can do it the pro-government protesters shouted? Try your best? You can do it? Do what?? Try your best, you can attend a protest as a paid volunteer? Try your best as a Filipino domestic helper to show your love for Beijing? How fucked in the head are these people??

Very fucked in the head judging by all this residual reportage concerning ‘protestors for hire’…

 

 

  •  PENSIONERS JOIN PRO-GOVERNMENT MARCH – “It is normal to have a little bit of a subsidy when you are at a march. Some (marches) give more, some less, but this time we only get a little money for food,” Chan Chiu-fat, 55, said. In a Whatsapp message seen by Reuters, people were offered HK$350 ($45) to attend the rally “for five hours”. The message sender, however, declined to provide their name or background
Here's your $350. Now take your red shirt and go over there. Your slogan: TRY YOUR BEST, YOU CAN DO IT! Don't ask questions. Just go.

Here’s your $$$. Now take your red shirt and go over there. Your slogan: TRY YOUR BEST, YOU CAN DO IT! Don’t ask questions. Just go.

 

So…the pro-government movement recruits the young and gullible (by bribing them), old aged pensioners (also by bribing them) and Indonesian & Filipino domestic helpers (by ordering them)…to fight the evil monster that is the right to fair and democratic election?

Now, I don’t know shit from shit…but that sounds pretty wack!

 

RIP Chris Kelly

RIP Chris Kelly

Posted in Hong Kong | 2 Comments

Hong Kong: Keystone Cops!?

I don’t care what anyone says…Hong Kong police are damn good at their job. Look at this textbook piece of law enforcement! Study how they cordon off the area, work efficiently as a team and get their man with a minimum of fuss…hmmm maybe I’m wrong…take a closer look and watch as oblivious HK pedestrians amble like morons right through the middle of a clearly chaotic and posssibly dangerous scene…of how standers-by are totally free to try out their choke hold skills and arm bar technique…of how a deranged woman is permitted to buzz and interfere around the scene  for 8 minutes wailing like the drunk baglady she clearly is and of how every man and his booze adled dog is able to offer up all kinds of slurred advice to rattled and indecisive police.

Sure it’s not easy dealing with drunks on the street but come on…there were about 40 fucking coppers on the scene! Anyway, I suppose they can be cut a bit of slack…these kinds of ugly scenes happen a thousand times a night in places like America, Canada, England or Australia…where agitators and anyone who even looked like interfering with police business would be tazered into a ball of screaming pain and dispatched to a cell quicker than you could say Book ‘em Danno! HK coppers just aren’t used to dealing with it I suppose.

Plus…who knows what kinds of goofballs that guy was hooped up on?!!

Goofballs!

Goofballs!

This post brought to you by keeping your cool on the hot hot streets on HK...

This post brought to you by keeping your cool on the hot hot streets of HK…

...and...fuck it...keeping your cool in fully air-conditioned shopping malls...

…and…fuck it…keeping your cool in fully air-conditioned shopping malls…

...and by stringent HK safety.

…and by stringent HK safety.

Posted in Hong Kong | 6 Comments

Hong Kong: You Shall Not Pass!

Hong Kong’s the safest city on the planet. You probably won’t get mugged, curb-stomped, shot in a drive-by, hung by the neck from an overpass by Mexican drug lords or publicly stoned for being raped. Bonus. What a town!

Hong Kong’s held together by a sensible adherence to safe practice…that’s why you’re urged 40 times a second to don’t keep your eyes only on the mobile phone when on the escalator…and that’s why sensibly placed padlocked gates dot public areas, defying even the nosiest of explorers from stumbling their way to certain death.

You shall not pass

You shall not pass

No way through

No way through here…or…

Common sense safety Hong Kong style

Common sense safety Hong Kong style. Impregnable!

Ok it's easy to access the stairs...

Ok it’s easy to access the stairs…

...now welcome to your doom...

…now welcome to your doom…

This post brought to you by the geniuses at Hong Kong Safety Mark...

This post brought to you by the geniuses at Hong Kong Safety Mark…

...and by the safest road crossers you will ever see.

…and by the safest road crossers you’ll ever see. Kid’s in pedestrian lockdown!

 

Posted in Hong Kong | 8 Comments

Hong Kong Obsession with Superficiality & Bullshit

When you reach the age of 15 months in Hong Kong it’s time for a sit down and a serious talk with your parents. Son. This is it. The rest of your life will be dictated by your actions today. Everything rides on this. Don’t disgrace us.

And with those tender reminders it’s off to your $4000, 1.5 hour Pre…Pre-Nursery interview and attainment test. Can you identify more than 20 kinds of fruit? Are you able to calculate simple equations to 2 decimal places by hand? Can you follow simple instructions? Can you ‘give me the ball’? How do you react when taken to a seperate room from your mother?

Now it’s time for some questions for mummy and daddy. What colour is your skin? What is your status…job, wealth, education? Is your child developmentally challenged? Club foot? Cleft lip?

YOU MUST STUDY HARD

YOU MUST STUDY HARD

This obsession with education in Hong Kong is as insane as the very society these 15 month old kids will eventually find themselves in. God knows when Hong Kong stopped being a community or ever was…but it’s a shopping mall now where most school leavers end up in the service industry.

And all this fervour…this delusion…this mania…this frothing at the mouth and fixation on education just chums the water for the kinds of two-bit slinking sharks who you can see loftily beaming down at you from billboards accross town in their totally fake roles as expert tutors. Check out these drinks of water…

Nothing but flim flams and shams

Nothing but flim flams and shams

We've turned education into a popularity contest and fashion show. Our goal? To see which tutor can appear the most vacuous.

We’ve turned education into a popularity contest and fashion show. Our goal? To see which tutor can appear the most vacuous.

Bullshit artists

Bullshit artists

Of course, Hong Kong people believe in this bullshit and lap these slimey turds up like ice-cream…because in Hong Kong what’s on the surface is all that counts.

Hangingh

I’m going to get a job in the service industry at a reasonably good hotel all because of you celebrity tutor! I like Korean drama!

Idiots

Posted in Hong Kong | 11 Comments

29° Celsius Cold Snap

Brrrrr

Brrrrr

This outfit will keep out the chill

This outfit will keep out the chill

A dollar each way...flannel top for the obvious chill factor..giant golf umbrella for the hot sun

A dollar each way…flannel top for the obvious chill factor…HUGE golf umbrella for the hot sun…

Rug up

Rug up

Wind breaker makes sense

Wind breaker makes sense because 29 degrees celsius is cold

Jack Frost's teeth are cold

Fuck you Jack Frost

Expecting snow

Expecting snow

This post brought to you by a refusal to walk

This post brought to you by a refusal to walk

This post brought to you by a refusal to move and failure to be aware

This post brought to you by a refusal to move, walk or demonstrate awareness for other people

God damn that looks tasty

God damn that looks tasty…

...but I think I'll go for the goose liver.

…but I think I’ll go for the goose liver…

...right after I get through this line...

…in about 45 minutes…

Posted in Hong Kong | 19 Comments

Let’s Have a Disgusting Selfish Picnic on the Bus!

Let's have a picnic on the bus. Good idea. I have cooked food and hot tea.

Let’s have a picnic on the bus. Good idea. I have cooked food and hot tea. But won’t the powerful smell of our cooked food, the sight of us eating on the bus and the sound of our slurping and smacking mouths annoy other passengers? Hahahahaha. No way. Let’s go!
Mummy I'm hungry and thirsty...oh darling mummy has brought some cooked food and a hot drink for your bus ride home let me rummage around in my bag and get it all ready for you darling...thanks mummy.

Mummy are you sure it’s ok to have a picnic on the bus? Oh darling mummy has brought some cooked food and a hot drink for your bus ride home. Mummy’s Indonesian slave…you know…the brown woman who sleeps under the sofa…helped to make it. Don’t worry. Let mummy rummage around in her bag and get it all ready for you…Ok thanks mummy.

Don't you mind a thing darling...clink and clank and scrape and slurp it all down. Dig that spoon right into every corner of that noisy metallic bowl. The louder you smack your gums together the happier mummy is.

Don’t you mind a thing my little fishball…clink and clank and scrape and slurp it all down. Dig that spoon right into every corner of that noisy metallic bowl. The louder you smack your gums together and the more often you stab that metal bowl with your metal spoon the happier mummy is. Make some noise my son!

Don't worry about those people holding their nose as the stench of your strange food wafts into their nostrils. They're just jealous. Smack your gums louder darling. Scrap and tap and clink and ting that metallic spoon all over that metallic bowl with a little more urgency darling.

Don’t worry about those people holding their nose at the stench of your bus picnic. Their stinging nostrils are just jealous. Smack your gums louder my little pig knuckle. Scrape and tap and clink and ting that metallic spoon all over that metallic bowl. There’s absolutely no reason at all not to.

Slurp it up. See how far you can get your head inside that bowl. Don't miss any. I won't mummy.

Slurp it up. See how far you can get your head inside that bowl. Don’t miss any. I won’t mummy. Tink tink clink clank tink slurp slap.

Time for some hot tea precious. Let mummy get it all ready for you.

Time for some hot tea my little dim sum. Here…let mummy get it all ready for you. Mummy why does that Indonesian sleep under our sofa? Hahaha. You don’t want her sharing your room do you? Hahaha no mummy. No way!

Mummy will pour some tea for you. You just keep eating. Keep shoveling food down your throat.

Mummy will pour some tea for you. You just keep eating. Keep shoveling food down your throat. I will mummy. Slap slap slurp burp chomp smack smack.

Let me feed you like a 10yo baby.

Let me feed you like an infant…even though you’re 10 years old.

There's my little milksop. Slurp it down. Noisily.

There’s my little milksop. Slurp it down. Noisily. I will mummy. Slurp slurp slurp.

I'll thank you all to mind your own business while I spoil and pamper my song with this delicious bus picnic.

I’ll thank you all to mind your own business while I spoil and pamper my son with this delicious bus picnic. Recoil from my lofty self important gaze.

And off we go. Enjoying our picnic in the bus safe from the choking smog.

And off we go. Enjoying our picnic on the bus safe from the choking smog.

This post brought to you by Hong Kong neighbours with the power of PROJECTION! Voices so ridiculously loud they barge out their closed door and right in through yours! It’s almost like having them in your own living room :) and no…the wailing voice doesn’t belong to someone waiting outside the lifts or in the corridor…she’s in her home…with her door shut

Posted in Hong Kong | 25 Comments

Hong Kong Psycho

Minibus pyscho's early works were a little new wave for my tastes...but when he flipped out majestically and kung fu kicked and punched a minibus driver...while that minibus driver was driving...I think he really came into his own commercially and artistically. The whole attack had a clear, crisp sound of consummate 'Hong Kong' that really gives the image of Hong Kong a big boost. He's been compared to Norman Bates...but I think Minibus Psycho has a far more bitter, oblivious sense of 'other people'.

Minibus Pyscho’s early tantrums were a little new wave for my tastes…but when he majestically flipped out and kung fu kicked and punched a minibus driver…while that minibus driver was driving…I think he really came into his own commercially and artistically. The whole attack had a clear, crisp sound of consummate ‘Hong Kong’ that really gives the image of Hong Kong a big boost. He’s been compared to Bus Uncle…but I think Minibus Psycho has a far more bitter, oblivious sense of ‘other people’.

Minibus drivers in Hong Kong don’t get the best of press…and rightly so because the overwhelming majority are boorish morons. But here’s one of the greatest videos of all time showing that even when minibus drivers do get something right and behave in a reasonable fashion there’s always some other boorish moron ready to step in and fulfill the Hong Kong creed of selfishness, obliviousness, ignorance, anger, spite, thoughtlessness and good old fashioned wild lashing out.

Watch…

Early reports state that the driver refused to let the passenger off in a restricted zone…makes sense…but then all hell broke loose. The passenger…or Minibus Psycho as I like to call him…just flipped out…completely lost his shit. A fantastic display showcasing what Hong Kong is all about…your narcissistic right to do whatever you damn well like up to and including putting human lives at risk because you might have to walk 10 extra steps or because somebody you probably consider your subordinate (a term shamelessly used in the HK workplace, by the way…along with ‘minor staff’) didn’t obey your command. This is what happens in Hong Kong when adults don’t get their lollipop.

We've seen these kinds of tantrums before

We’ve seen these kinds of tantrums before

Minibus Pyscho in action. Heyyyyyy ya!!!

Minibus Pyscho in action right before he launches into a flurry of kicks, punches and the always amusing ‘straight arm finger point’. You don’t stop where I want? We ALL die!!

The scene of the crime

The scene of the crime

Anyway…awesome stuff! I’d like to think that when the van came to a stop Minibus Psycho was dragged off by his fellow passengers and beaten to an unrecognizable bloody pulp…each stinging blow reinforced by stern teachings….you BANG stupid SMASH stupid BANG fucking SMASH dumb SMASH fuck faced RIB KICK cunt SNAP who the SMASH fucking BANG hell TEETH SMASH do you CRUNCH think BANG you SMASH are? SMASHBANGCRUNCHSNAP…but that’s just me…

Keep on truckin’ everyone

Posted in Hong Kong | Tagged | 18 Comments