Strap on your tin foil hats movers and shakers and let’s get greasy! Oh yeah, I’ve been eating this whole Hong Kong protest thing up with a spoon ever since little Josh Wong almost got sconned on the noggin with an errant tear gas canister back on the 28th of September. It’s been an action packed 3 weeks or so watching people in the protest and online froth at the mouth, do the straight arm finger-point, gnash their teeth, bleat, lie, cheat and whore themselves (I’m looking at you 60 y.o. surgical mask wearing money grubbing taxi drivers…and you throw a bottle for $1000 agitators…and you $500 to tear down supply station saboteurs…you opportunistic entrepreneurial capitalist ratbags!). And it’s been fun watching hearts bleed, people kid themselves and fawn over the heroic democratic deeds of protesters (hello expat sympathizers, and other soft-brained western media types…democracy great, hurray…China horrible, boo!). Stepping back, it’s been like spending 3 weeks watching a frog try to jump its way out of a greased wok, while spectators stand around arguing over its chances. It’s hard to pick an outcome. Mass head cracking? A compromise riddled with stalling lingo and long distance promises? Who knows.
So anyway, with heavily layered aluminum moulded all over my head and coat-hangers dangling from my ceiling to deflect electromagnetic radiation and brain infiltrating gamma rays, the coast is clear to wade into the muck and inspect some of the opinions related to the great Hong Kong Protests of 2014…no matter how fantastically crazy they may seem to be or how kooky they get. Let’s start with this outrageous timeline I came across somewhere way, way, way out…deep in the internet:
This is totally outlandish and I, for one, won’t tolerate such an outrageous conspiracy theory. China wasn’t ass fucked by Britain in 1839. It was between 1839 and 1997 that they were continually ass fucked by Britain.
What’s next? Some insane conspiracy theorists out there have been contending that the whole Hong Kong protest episode has been fuelled, funded, trained and backed by creepy world giant, America, all for the purposes of undermining China and strengthening world democracy…or some shit. These are seriously deluded nuts who probably still live with their parents and haven’t been out of their bedroom in 17 years. If they knew anything at all they would know that local Hong Kong citizens don’t need any help whatsoever to fuel their white-hot rage toward the mainland invasion that has been destroying their city and standard of living more and more every year since 1997. Their revulsion needs no backing or inspiration at all, thank you very much.
These protests aren’t to do with democracy or US skullduggery…oh no…that’s conspiracy theory nutjob stuff and won’t be tolerated here…these protests are about good old-fashioned hate. And why not? If someone came into my house and pissed and shat on the floor, stole my toothpaste and shampoo and gave birth to a mewling cabbage in the spare room I’d put aside for Aunty Gin, I’d want to show them the door too. The Chinese media, who are reporting this idea of US backing, are not to be trusted…nor is the German media or the Russian media who are reporting the same thing. Crazy fucking nuts. Even America’s official foreign policy, which gives support for the democratisation of HK under the Omnibus Appropriations Act of 2009 (provision of $17 million for the promotion of democracy in Hong Kong) should only be taken with a grain of salt. If it was possible to identify the influence of CIA spooks within the Occupy Central ranks, what are we going to do? Cry ‘conspiracy’ like some deranged lunatic? CIA assets would only be responsible for the supply of delicious apples and water bottles for a couple of supply stations here and there anyway. Big deal! So, yes…I diligently block out all reports that try to demonise creepy world giant, America…no matter how hard they attempt to infiltrate my protective tin foil defense systems. Conflicting views and outrageous conspiracy theories simply aren’t to be tolerated. Apples and water bottles however, don’t do any harm at all and can be tolerated. Why, Uncle Sam says we can all have a free apple whenever we want. Hurray! :)
What else? Lately, there has been a lot of frothing at the mouth about thuggery, hired mobsters and gangsters causing problems for innocent, defenseless, peaceful protesters. Thousands of boring broken records are out there using up precious internet space playing Where’s Wongo – spotting, identifying and calling out paid agitators and gang members who they say are in the employ of diabolical CY Leung to break up protests…these ignorant bores are literally tripping over each other as they post images online captioned with stammering comments like ‘there is no way he is from HK look at him he’s a paid mainlander!’ or ‘look at his tattoos, he is a gangster!’ and ‘CY Leung ought to be ashamed!’ Well, this sort of conspiratorial quackery is hardly fit to print. CY Leung tossing a few Hong Kong dollars around among some of his good friends for a few favours is nothing compared to the gargantuan budgets western leaders have at their disposal to control information, silence dissent, bribe, blackmail and extort whistleblowers, imprison dissidents and crush opposition.
Hk$500 to tear down a supply station full of water bottles and crisp, juicy apples? Are these kooks for real? How does that even compare to the kind of institutionalised corruption and felony western leaders commit each and every day? You think China is a den of corruption…stand in AWE at the all time, undefeated world champions of hard-core corruption…the west. Those fuckers wrote the fucking book. At the very least…how is one better than the other? We’re talking greasy politicians here. You’d have to be a dangerously unhinged lunatic…a conspiracy loving nutcase…to imply that one group of politicians are better than another. What’s CY to do anyway? You think he’s going to say no to China? Fuck, they’ll curb-stomp his jawbone or take his thumbs or something. Maybe these crazy conspiracy nutjobs should try for a second to absorb comrade Leung’s own comments on the issue of thuggery and use of intimidation tactics:
“What would you do if thousands of painfully idealistic students camped out playing ping pong and ordering McDonald’s on streets all over your city for 3 weeks? What would you do if you were part of a supposed ‘minority’ NOT hoodwinked by this whole democracy love and peace bullshit? What if you saw it for what it is…a spiteful, elitist hate campaign, originally known as ‘Occupy Central Against Locusts & Chinamen’, run by spoilt self-entitled milk-sops against their own people…all disguised as a virtuous love-in? How could you possibly explain the futility and irrationality of such a tantrum to thousands of protesters who are scandalously unable to admit or probably even see their true motivations? They want democracy? What the fuck are these deadshits on about? Hong Kong never had democracy before anyway, so why should China ‘give’ it to them now? Are these people fucking insane? To the average Chinese man or woman with any shred of insight, all this humping at the western leg must really make them swoon. Here’s a city, originally designed to serve the drug pushing, bullying, lying, cheating, money-laundering British Empire, by emptying it of resources and prosperity and consolidating it all on behalf of criminals in London…for over a hundred years, mind you…begging, just begging, the instant their home nation passes a bit of inevitable legislation about the 2017 elections, to basically go back to their old swindling, forked tongued masters. Talk about knee jerk, ungrateful cunts.”
– CY Leung
(Excerpted from an impromptu morning assembly speech delivered to The Hong Kong Jockey Club Mother of the Weeping Virgin Widow Presbyterian Catholic Leung Shau Ping Old Boys’ Association PWSCC cum Memorial Primary School Number 2.)
And the conspiracy theories roll on…what about this piece of paranoid, misguided, ill-conceived propaganda…
How dare an upstanding institution like CNBC sully the name of good, honest, hard working journalists everywhere by daring to suggest that the Hong Kong protests are much more nuanced than most reports would have us believe? How dare they suggest that the true motivation for Occupy Central is not a heart warming pining for democracy, but a much more complex issue hinged on rising economic uncertainty in Hong Kong and ‘misguided colonialist nostalgia accompanied by ugly discrimination of the mainland Chinese & even virulent bullying’?
Strike me down! It gets even more oddball from the CNBC madmen. My tin foil hat is literally buzzing like a beehive. How can they look at themselves in the mirror and use phrases like ‘according to the narrative in the west’. Narrative? Are these nutcases implying that the western media is making up stories? I won’t hear of it. Let us not tolerate these outrageous conspiracy theories. What else have they had the gall to say…
– when under British rule from 1841-1997, the UK did not promote democracy. That begun, conveniently, after the handover.
– huge discrepancy between HK’s economic gains and its eroding social fabric
– the real precedent for the HK protests is the Occupy Wall Street movement in the US
– HK’s income inequality is worse than Zimbabwe
– What HK needs is responsible political development..yeah…not students sitting around singing kumbaya and gnashing their teeth because mainlanders are dirty
Fuck! I think I just lost the rear deflector shield in my tin foil hat! It sounds like someone is frying bacon in my brain! How dare CNBC spread such grossly accurate, impartial, fair and balanced information? This is just another deluded opinion that must be avoided at all costs. Don’t mess with our peace and love CNBC, mmmk.
What about this? Talk about whacko…
Good god…the gamma rays are slicing at the back of my eyeballs and lazering my skull into diced bone! Must…increase…foil…
It gets worse…listen to the music! It’s got to be true…
Head imploding…coat-hangers melting…
Then there’s this article…and a million more out there I’ve been avoiding, all trying to bring down my feel-good buzz. I can’t take it. I got to get out of here and get back where I belong…back to the streets to play ping pong and eat KFC on the road…with hundreds and thousands of my other democracy buddies…buddies?…hey…where’d everybody go??