The Fairwood Feedbag

2011 AGM Chairman Report

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The Fairwood Feedbag chain has been speed feeding exhausted but fast moving Hong Kongers since the first site opened in beautiful downtown Tsuen Wan in 1972. There’s now more than 100 locations littered around Hong Kong where more than 100, 000 people a day rush in, strap on a feedbag and scurry off. We rank up there with the likes of other heavy hitters in the feedbag industry such as the stupendous, Cafe de Coral.

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In and out in 6 minutes

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Like Cafe de Coral, the Fairwood Feedbag stocks each location with daily loads of frozen and semi-frozen goop, trucked in from our own food processing plants. These processing plants ensure prices are low and goop is consistent. 2011 has surpassed our expectations in cheapness and consistency.

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Goop delivery

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Dishes are seasonal and there are more than 200 of them in rotation throughout the year. Currently, the Fairwood Feedbag offers what we call ‘the mountain of mystery goop with a cracked egg on top‘ dish. It looks as good as it sounds and it tastes as good as it looks. It’s the kind of rotational crowd pleaser that keeps customers coming back day, after day…after day. Congratulations to the research & development department. Your work with sugar, oil, processed ham and grease is truly inspiring.

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the mountain of mystery goop with a cracked egg on top dish...no added msg unless you ask for it

Service so fast it'll be in your toilet bowl before you can say 'I think I feel sick'

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Eating at the Fairwood Feedbag is (like Hong Kong) fast, easy and cheap. The average ‘dine in’ consumer can be in and out in less than 6 minutes. That’s not bad for dishes that are, on paper, supposed to be a full step up the rung from the kind of mush that goop giant, MacDonald’s, sell. The Fairwood Feedbag more or less tries to offer real meals as opposed to pure junk. I am pleased to report that the challenge of providing a real meal has not effected the speediness of our service this year at all. Customers are still enjoying service so fast they don’t have time to reconsider. We can thank our state of the art microwave ovens and defrosting time speed records for this.

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Signature dish...elbow macaroni, processed ham strips & some kind of liquid...breakfast for thousands and thousands of Hong Kongers

Breakfast special...chicken steak floating in a bowl of msg

It looks like filthy, disgusting dish water...but don't be fooled...it is filthy, disgusting dish water. That's where all the taste is.

Best processed ham, fried egg & 2 minute noodle combo in the city.

Kick-start your day with a chicken steak, ham square and gravy combo.

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Hunger’s a turkey shoot in Hong Kong. Busy, driven and whipped Hong Kong people on the move are not inclined to prepare food for themselves. We must remind ourselves to be thankful of that. Because…if we do our part and keep coal face employee wages low, promotion limited, food preparation methods fast & basic and ingredients cheap, consistent and full of short term satisfaction and now gratification…we can really cash in.

Here’s to 2012.

Dennis Lo

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It's what you want.

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This post brought to you by fish with garnishing covering their privates floating in a plate of their own blood..............mmm mmm!!

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33 Responses to The Fairwood Feedbag

  1. Solo says:

    nice post. ha ha ha.

    Dudley, what do you think of Stanley? I’ve been looking online, and supposedly it’s more quiet and peaceful as a place to live.

  2. It’s alright…it could be expensive living out there though

  3. Cletus says:

    Best caption ever: Service so fast it’ll be in your toilet bowl before you can say ‘I think I feel sick’

    So unbelievably accurate!

  4. K-man says:

    Fantastic…. you captured it in all its technicolor glory. Well done my friend well done….

  5. Anonymous says:

    You wouldn’t feel like that if you were a HK Fairwood helper…

  6. Anonymous says:

    In and out in 6 minutes..just like the food!!

  7. Anonymous says:

    Why r u even in HK if u hate it that much?

  8. Pingback: Hong Kong is not fast-paced in any recognizable sense AFAICT, so why does everyone say that it is? - Hong Kong GeoExpat

  9. To spread the good word about Hong Kong and how great it is!!! Yay!!!!

  10. Martial arts is bogus says:

    What repulsive ‘food’!
    When I dine I seek places with non-Chinese waiting staff, any other nationality will do. To many times panicking, incompetent Chinese staff make dining a chore…wrong orders, missed orders, no knowledge of the menu, dreadful English…fuck wits.
    Worse are Chinese restaurants where you can encounter bossy Chinamen hired as the Manager. Pompous half witted – and often buck toothed – fools.

  11. Reality check chong says:

    Just read Dudleys rant. ‘Family friendly site’ ‘Brought untold joy’ . Nonsense. Dudley, you are eloquent but I suspect you badly need to get a job and move out your rich parents flat.

  12. Mr.Happy says:

    Reality check chong says:
    December 26, 2018 at 9:44 pm

    Just read Dudleys rant. ‘Family friendly site’ ‘Brought untold joy’ . Nonsense. Dudley, you are eloquent but I suspect you badly need to get a job and move out your rich parents flat.

    Best post yet.

    I’m surprised these Eurasian coward’s showed your post.

    Seems not that many are “squealing for their attention” after all??:)
    Dud’s.

    Yeah I now you cowards will cluck out posting this.

    But I know you read this:)

    Which makes me happy.

    Fuck off for 2019!

  13. Buck says:

    I can’t read your unreadable English, Happy/Heidi. But welcome anyway. Don’t give up.

  14. Twat says:

    Piss off you pretentious arsehole.

  15. Buck says:

    Meh, if you dont think HK sucks, what are you doing here? I wouldn’t visit a “I love HK” website. Join us, or stand down.

    Back to HK sucks…..

    5.30am, the train noise starts
    6am, the arseholes upstairs start their daily furniture dragging. I guess they gotta move their baby’s (i.e a ten year old) bed in and out of mummy’s room
    8am, the construction noise starts

    HKers love “patterned noise”. It seems they are uncomfortable without it. If things get too quiet, they’ll start rhymically scuffing their shoes, shaking their keys, or spanking themselves. Anyone know what this disorder is?

  16. D- says:

    rhymically? dont?

    Unreadable English!
    Bad spelling and grammar!

    D-

  17. Kahoonas says:

    Why not go upstairs and ask the arseholes not to drag stuff around as it disturbs you below? Why are you living like a cowed animal? I know Hong Kong sucks and everyone is a cunt.

  18. Buck says:

    HKers only complain through the management office (which I did do in this case, and in response, the arseholes made even more noise. Classic passive-aggressive HK behavior)).

    If I go upstairs myself, they would call the police. I’ve had the police called on me before. The neighbors, in another place, claimed I assaulted their doorbell. I’m not kidding.

    You don’t expect a rational response from HKers, do you? HK: Asia’s selfish city.

  19. Buck says:

    Let me change topic: cellphone behavior in HK.

    Here is a list, in chronological order, of “not ok” cellphone behaviors that have now become totally OK in Hong Kong.

    1. Walking round the street, head down, looking at your phone and oblivious to anyone in your path. This is totally ok now (an old phenomenon. Hardly worth mentioning).

    2. Standing at the urinal, pecker in one hand, phone in the other. There was early resistance to this, and some people said it was unhygienic. But it is totally ok now. Go for it. Time is money in HK, and the might find a pokemon in your underpants.

    3. Using speakerphone for conversations. This was a mainland phenomenon, but his filtered its way into Hong Kong. It’s totally ok now. Share the joy.

    4. Watching videos and listening to music in public places (restaurants, public transport, doctor’s waiting rooms etc) without using a headset. This the latest breakdown in cell phone etiquette, but it’s totally ok now.

    Do whatever you want. Selfish Hong Kong pricks.

  20. Cunts hating cunts. says:

    They walk around with their heads down staring at their smartphones because they hate each other. Recently the government suggested that Hong Kong families should spend at least 10 minutes a day talking to each other. I think they hate each other more than we non-Chinese hate them. Their cunts hating cunts. No wonder so many people are mentally fucked up and depressed here. The land Hong Kong doesn’t suck, its the sub-human cancerous growths living on it that make it suck.

  21. Wow says:

    Buck I hear you mate.
    But lets pick up the pace.
    Just ONE of the many things to explode diarrhea from my arse each day is being exposed to Hong Kong chinese (lower case) television.
    A few helping’s of this herpes ridden turd has scarred me for life.
    The fuck starts with a bucket of fucking non-talented cunt local singers and actors playing immature childish games with each other, like blow a ping pong ball the furthest etc.
    The camera pans to the audience, who are all in hysterics, clapping wildly in mass hysteria as the ping pong ball bounces comically across the stage.
    The stars and starlets chuckle and do quick silly dances on cue.
    These fucking non-talented local shits get to win expensive watches though, including trips abroad with 5 star luxury accommodations etc etc.
    Now here’s the thing,: these non-talented cunts are wealthy people already?
    They get enormous amounts money for fucking laughable scratching teeth on edge acting and singing?
    The point is they don’t need this extra money.
    Maybe the money should be given to charities instead? Cancer, homeless, poor, generic suffering people?
    WRONG.
    I find myself wondering why god put these fucking repugnant non-human stenches on earth to spread their disease?
    May the lucky god of money bless you on this joy-ass coming of Chinese New Year 2019!
    Unless you don’t buy from my factory or shop.
    Then fuck you!

  22. Little boy 1945 says:

    “Hong Kong hospital wards packed like Chinese restaurants, doctors complain as deadly flu surge grips city”

    https://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/health-environment/article/2183542/hong-kong-hospital-wards-packed-chinese

    Hnmmmm?

    Seems something important is not working properly here in Asia’s City?

  23. Buck says:

    I’d say it’s because the locals are pussies. They get a sniff, and off they go to see the doctor. Doctor then issues 6-7 bags of different types of pills. Overreaction, followed by overkill. I love the way locals “walk onto” an ambulance too. Come to think of it, could this pussy behavior explain why locals live in this stinking, polluted, overcrowded and stressed-out hole, yet still have one of the longest life-expectancies in the world?

  24. Quicker to train monkeys says:

    Happy new year of the PIG.
    I wish you happy flu until you all finally get it together.

  25. Mobile fucking phones. says:

    Mobile fucking phones.

  26. Oh boy? says:

    Whining Hong Kong children: ” mummy, daddy, mummy!, daddy!!! arghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! mummeeeeeeeeeeeee, daddeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!”.

    At just the right ultra supersonic pitch that makes you want to simply become violent.

    In restaurants, buses, well just about everywhere.
    Blame the parents for being horses.

    If it was acceptable in our society, I’d belt the brats across the face and beat up the fathers right there and then.

  27. Plague Information and Facts. says:

    Wear:

    1. Noise cancelling headphones.

    2. Glasses that blind people wear.

    3. A blind persons white cane.

    And you’re good to go.

  28. Quicker to train monkeys says:

    I know its not directly related to the Hong Kong species of primate, but it does involve Monkeys though.

  29. Cricket second innings says:

    hmm? Sensitive subject, but I’m wondering if doctors should be worrying about a deadly flu surging the city?

  30. Astounded says:

    Even in its best months Hong Kong is grey, noisy, aggravating, and just get me the fuck out of here first timer. The most tourist area’s have street “singers” ( dreadful karaoke cringe) with speakers turned up Boeing 747. Mosquitoes biting. All a fucking messy chaos? fuck? Is this a once in a life time cultural experience? China took the ” auto 50 years” and sighed with glee holding their bellies just like the laughing Buddha’s, you know those pathetic local fear statues right? The gold ones adorning their cages???? Fucking wow?

  31. Yum Yum says:

    At last we have a Hong Kong TV program where the hosts show genuine interest in the the companies/products they are promoting, TVB’s ” Dolce Vita”.
    I love this program and never miss it. Neither should you. DOLCE VITA!
    In fact I went out with my partner to one of their suggested restaurants and enjoyed it to creamy distraction.
    We started with an enormous plate each with exactly in the middle a single French Frie and a piece of fresh carrot slither on top, followed by another enormous plate with two baked beans, again exactly in the middle!
    Both cooked by the world famous imported hotel chef ” Fabroni De Ponce”.
    Wow what an experience! Yummy? You bet!
    It only cost $ 7,800 too!
    The Restaurant is called “Idiotica Wankers” and its easily found in Lan Kwai Fong No. 109376, 1098th floor.

    Enjoy!

  32. Was a bit of fun, but not anymore. says:

    Hong Kong is a bit like this website is becoming.

  33. Dreadful says:

    Having traveled extensively through most of North and East Asia I have never come across the amazing Mosquitoes of Hong Kong.

    Wow, the first time happy-family visitors must get so fucked up via these dangerous fucks.

    Yes, I hear you say ” but that’s in the new territories, not in the city!”.

    Wrong, just wrong.

    This is one of the many serious problem’s this city has.

    I honestly don’t know any other preventative action to take other than covering oneself with “DEET” aka canned aerosol “OFF”.

    And fuck what the hell that does to us health wise I’ll be a monkey in a laboratory.

    Hong Kong fucks in this area far more than the rest of Asia = Why?

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