My Mum Says I’m Cool!

Somebody cue the Benny Hill music…please…because Hong Kong, you’re a worldwide joke

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I just don’t know what to say

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Still don’t know what to say

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Heehaw!

It’s not like these conditions came out of nowhere, surprising even the most experienced of meteorologists and weathermen. The cold snap was all over the papers, internet and forecasts for days, even weeks before these dipshits decided it might be a great idea to flock to Tai Mo Shan like subnormals, park their cars in huge road blocking jams and go see some frost.

It’s totally fine if you want to get out there in nature and go and see some cold weather…good for you…but to be so ill-prepared and so painfully and obviously inept and helpless that you flood emergency hotlines the second things get ‘too big on you’ shows you, quite simply, to be dimwitted fucks. Head to toe in North Face K2 all terrain mountain gear…but you suck harder than my girlfriend’s pet octopus.

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My HK girlfriend and her pet octopus…they both absolutely suck

Stick to what you do best…spitting chicken bones onto dinner tables in disgusting filthy piles, making a spectacle of yourself by yelling in public like a professional moron and taking pictures of ridiculous mascots in devastatingly soulless, crowded shopping malls and streets. Attempts at spontaneity don’t suit you, you malfunctioning drones.

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‘According to SCMP reports, over 100 ‘frost tourists‘ went for a hike on the mountain leaving their cars so badly parked on the access road that emergency services had to walk 3 clicks to reach them when they called for help after realising they couldn’t walk across icy ground.’ – HK Sucks reader.

Anyway, I’m off to work, where you can bet your left and right ball my HK ‘workmates’ will have every conceivable window and door open as wide as possible in a ridiculously ill-informed ploy to combat the GERM induced death nightmare that haunts their tiny superstitious minds when 2 or more people are forced to share a room that lacks gale-force, frigid, open air ventilation. Closed doors and closed windows mean GERMS WILL KILL YOU IN SECONDS, don’t you know?! Everyone in Hong Kong knows that. And the colder it gets, the more doors and windows you need open. Fuck. Remember SARS? That’s how SARS killed in 2003…too many closed doors. Too many closed windows. Too many GERMS. Better to shiver and freeze to death than die of GERMS. Get practical Hong Kong! Open the windows…open the doors…stop GERMS and die another day!

Well, I’m rambling now. I’ll get my coat, and leave Albert Cheng, of the South China Morning Post, to tell you more…

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Key words: ’embarrassingly poor’, ‘irresponsible frost chasers’, ‘foolish decision’

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Key words: ’embarrassing scene’, ‘rescuers were seen slipping’

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Key words: ‘Eddie Ng’, ‘worst call’, ‘knee-jerk decision’, ‘children wasted a day of normal schooling’, ‘opportunity to endure some physical hardship’, ‘contagious diseases’, ‘Hong Kong kids are mostly spoiled and overprotected’, ‘physical challenge’, ‘life lesson in perseverance’

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Key words: ‘The public mood was festive, and none of the response units was ready for action’

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Key words: ‘Dickson’

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Key words: ‘curious visitors’, ‘view frost’, ‘traffic jam’, ‘took along their children on a family outing

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Let’s get over-excited and go see some frost

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My big stupid day out…seconds later I was on the phone to emergency services because mother nature hates me

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Oh…look…frost!

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Got a little nippy going through the pass, huh, Har?

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Benny Hill approves

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26 Responses to My Mum Says I’m Cool!

  1. Reuben L Sushman says:

    What is totally amazing is that I did not see any fireman or road assistance crew carry a bucket of sand or salt. The entire road area may have been easy to pass and walk on if it was treated even lightly.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Maybe this ‘Frost chasing” could be a new event in the next Winter Olympics? Could give Hong Kong a place on the medal table.

  3. TonyM says:

    The world’s softest people. Schools closed as well. Pathetic.

  4. RSG says:

    They should’ve headed the myriad “cold-weather-death-is-imminent-stay-inside-or-else” warnings from the HK Observatory.

    HK people are so coddled. Mainlanders are rude but at least they nongmin are tough as shit.

  5. Anonymous says:

    The hospitals and doctor’s offices were jammed with people complaining of a sore ass from falling and demanding antibiotics.

  6. Gweilo suck says:

  7. Anonymous says:

    Plain and simple retards, also unreal how the emergency rescue crews are so bad equipped to deal with this kind of situations.

  8. mao zedong says:

    Dudley, please do a piece on Red Guards at HKU.

  9. Yeah maybe. That guy taking the fall…clutching at his knee on the ground…what the fuck happened? Did a midget scythe through the crowd and conk him on the kneecap with a rolling pin??

    Typical lame HK shit

  10. mao zedong the second says:

    I thought a piece on the besieging on 26 Jan would be more fun..

    the comments and the youtube videos at SCMP are pretty good..

    http://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/politics/article/1905784/surrounded-university-hong-kong-students-besiege-governing

    My prediction: there will be bombs everywhere in Hong Kong in a few years and the police and the locals will treat it as business as usual.. no arrest will be made.

  11. Anonymous says:

    I think the guy with the injured knee must have taken a tumble on landing after trying to do the ‘photo myself jumping in the air’ thing. In the meantime another “frost chaser'” sliding and scraping down the road by their fingernails’ took out the tripod he had just set up.

  12. Emma says:

    Some Western hikers helped a load of terrified Chinese off Tai Mo San. Naturally not reported by the racist and insecure media. One of the rescuers was 14 years old…she was enjoying a chilly walk…suddenly screaming and weeping people appear and she ‘Saved’ a couple of them!!! You have to laugh. Wish it had been filmed.

  13. Anonymous says:

    I want my Mummyy!!! :(…..

  14. classic hk says:

    Why oh why didn’t we just go to the mall???!!
    The whole thing – lemming like behavior, total inability to cope with the slightest difficulty without calling for govt assistance, etc – is so classic HK.

  15. Anonymous says:

    That first photo would be great for a caption competition ‘Hey guys you are meant to use a bobsled”

  16. Man Ho Wang says:

    I recon that Gweilo Suck trolling freak was up there wetting his pants with fear!

  17. Smoke inhalation says:

    More idiocy this weekend – brush fires all over the place due to local morons ‘grave worshipping’ and leaving hell money, candles, joss sticks etc burning so they can set hillsides alight. Strong winds do the rest.

    Every year it’s the same but they never learn.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Hell hath no fury like a street vendor deprived of his fish balls

  19. Gweilo suck says:

    I’d do your girlfriend.

  20. I know you would Reggie Ray!

  21. TonyM says:

    Hey Dudley, how’s about a piece on cowardly, racist, half brained weaklings AKA the Hong Kong police!?

  22. TonyM says:

    Gweilo Suck…if you tried to ‘Do’ my girlfriend she would beat you up. You are vile maggot dick trolling worm. How many times do people have to tell you:

    FUCK OFF AND TROLL A SITE CALLED I AM A FUCK WIT AND I LOVE HONG KONG.

    little unflushed unloved turd

  23. Vachina says:

    G-Suck! Are you still here? Is this like a full-time job for you now? I’ve missed you, man. How the hell are you?

  24. Mei Suk Kok says:

    It was cold and people are bad at balance and weak. Please dont be cruel.

  25. James says:

    Poor sods…

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