Lau Wing Sang’s Day Off

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In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the… Anyone? Anyone?… the Great Depression, passed the… Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered?… raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more…Anyone? Anyone?…revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work. Today we have a similar debate over Whats…Anyone? Anyone? Whatsapp…

School Principal, Lau Wing Sang, is very popular. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude. And while he can tend to be both stupendously and profoundly vague at times, his heart’s almost in the right place. He’s putting himself out there on record as a no nonsense principal ready to tackle the problems of the modern age with good old fashioned common sense and brute force confrontation. Lau shoots from the hip with machine guns in each hand like a couple of out of control garden hoses.

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Mr. Lau Wing Sang… Ed… you’re a beautiful man. I want to thank you for your warmth and compassion. – Sloane Peterson, Form 5 CNECSS

Copying homework, words like fuck cunt cuntfucker fuckface fuckery skullfuck cunthole slutfucker, and the latest terrors: gossip and bullying – these are the school-based demons Lau says we must slay. Like all mad geniuses, Lau’s one step ahead of the game. According to Lau, homework copying, foul language, gossip and bullying are not linked to human nature at all, but are the work of a sinister modern day evil…the abhorrent phone application: Whatsapp…and more specifically…Whatsapp Groups

Here’s the report…

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The details of Lau Wing Sang’s life are quite inconsequential…

SCHOOL WARNS PARENTS ABOUT STUDENTS’ USE OF WHATSAPP GROUPS
10th December, 2015
by Koel Chu

A secondary school in Chai Wan has issued a notice warning parents about students using WhatsApp groups to ask friends out after school or during holidays. The notice stated that there are four problems created by the use of WhatsApp groups. These include copying homework and asking other students out after school or during holidays. Other problems suggested by the notice relate to indecent speech, gossiping and cyber-bullying.

The notice was issued by the Principal of CNEC Lau Wing Sang Secondary School to parents of Secondary One students at the school in late October. It states that some students were causing problems by setting up different WhatsApp groups, with members ranging from a few to over 20. These problems were “worrying” and “must be confronted,” the letter reads.

“Some students who made the mistakes were appropriately punished. Discipline teachers, counsellors and social workers were also involved to help the students change their bad habits and get back on the right path,” the notice said.

James Lam Yat-fung, the Subsidised Secondary Schools Council chairman, told Apple Daily that technology has its advantages and disadvantages.“If you utilise it well, you will receive a lot of positive information and learning opportunities but if you use it improperly, it will be devastating,” he said.
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CNEC Lau Wing Sang Secondary School’s principal said that “something bad” happened when Secondary One students went out together, and the school wanted to prevent that by reminding parents to keep an eye on their children, Apple Daily reported.

On Tuesday, a Secondary Two student from the school attempted to jump off a building when the teacher requested to see her parents. The suicide attempt was prevented by a teacher and the student was sent to the hospital afterwards.

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Wtf did I just read???

They don’t get much more articulate than Principal Lau. ‘Something bad happened’ when ‘students went out together’. With a handful of choice words, Lau speaks volumes. He wields words like mother nature wields hurricanes and Lau doesn’t mince words either. Friendship is to be spurned, especially after school or during school holidays. Such bad habits are worrying and must be confronted. Parents, he says, have been issued a warning against committing the sin of allowing their child to engage in activities in their own free time with anywhere between ‘a few’ and ‘over 20’ members. Lau just won’t stand for it.
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In a follow-up interview, when questioned whether the absence of Whatsapp would eliminate homework copying, Lau chortled mysteriously and remarked that we must ‘try our best’. When asked what he meant  by that, Lau grinned and encouraged us to ‘add oil’. Questioned whether gossip and bullying were inherent and well-documented aspects of the human condition, which would exist with or without Whatsapp in one form or another, Lau yelled FIRE! and ran out of the room.
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I guess what we can take from Principal Lau’s steel-trap mind and wealth of knowledge and experience, is that Whatsapp and Whatsapp groups are modern day evils leading children astray and need to be destroyed. Stop Whatsapp…and we stop the problem. It’s hard to argue with Lau.
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Apart from that, Principal Lau says that all is well with CNEC Secondary School…well there was that minor incident involving the attempted suicide of a form 2 student who tried to leap from a school building to her grisly death because her teacher requested to see her parents.
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‘Oh the suicide thing?! That sort of shit happens every day, Lau laughed. ‘Hahaha we sent her to the mental hospital already. Maybe she can drink more water and take a good rest.’
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Whatsapp made me do it

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Regurgitation, memorizing dates, recalling facts, following orders, rote learning and pushing 13 year olds to the point of severe, lethal mental exhaustion are key foundations for the proper adjustment of tomorrow’s responsible adult. – Principal Lau Wing Sang

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Disclaimer: The attitudes, values and beliefs of Principal Lau Wing Sang are not to be confused with those of Ferris Bueller, the deluded free thinking anarchist, who said that life moves pretty fast…if you don’t stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it. Nobody ever got a sweet, sweet customer service job in Hong Kong with that slack approach.

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9 Responses to Lau Wing Sang’s Day Off

  1. Man Ho Wang says:

    Hong Wrong. Weirdos. Passive aggressive dirt box of a place.

  2. United Nations says:

    The United Nations know about the mental tortures happening in Hong Kong..

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6RvnwZRs0Q[/video]

  3. Jens says:

    Being it your most recent essay…I read them all. Although I like to live in HK having numerous HK friends, you nailed it down…spot on…don’t be discouraged by negative comments, one thing what HKers aren’t up to is humor…keep going, you are doing a great piece of journalism!

  4. nezistan says:

    In my experience, WhatsApp is most dangerous when used by Hong Kong teachers and principals… requests to do work on the weekends, late at night or even during holidays, always things that can wait till the next work day. I really wouldn’t be surprised if dear Principal Lau uses WhatsApp in this way.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Comments are not showing in the “Invasion of the Chinese Body Snatchers” post, did china finger already arrived this blog?

  6. M says:

    Being a teacher myself, I find Mr Lau ridiculously expressive compared to most drugged legal roberts in HK. Fun, isnt it?

  7. Anon says:

    Social media is bad. Facebook should be firewalled too so kids don’t get distracted from their studies!

  8. Aperson says:

    I agree everything thats written above
    I love this place so much and hate it even much more
    Complexed feeling…
    Hong Kong is a damn place full of discrimination

  9. Fuk Wit Wang says:

    Teachers in state schools are as thick as the kids. No hope for future generations.

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