Hong Kong Conspiracy

Look at these cunts. With felons like these negotiating your future, you know you have no chance.

With felons like these negotiating your future, you’ve got no chance.

Strap on your tin foil hats movers and shakers and let’s get greasy! Oh yeah, I’ve been eating this whole Hong Kong protest thing up with a spoon ever since little Josh Wong almost got sconned on the noggin with an errant tear gas canister back on the 28th of September. It’s been an action packed 3 weeks or so watching people in the protest and online froth at the mouth, do the straight arm finger-point, gnash their teeth, bleat, lie, cheat and whore themselves (I’m looking at you 60 y.o. surgical mask wearing money grubbing taxi drivers…and you throw a bottle for $1000 agitators…and you $500 to tear down supply station saboteurs…you opportunistic entrepreneurial capitalist ratbags!). And it’s been fun watching hearts bleed, people kid themselves and fawn over the heroic democratic deeds of protesters (hello expat sympathizers, and other soft-brained western media types…democracy great, hurray…China horrible, boo!). Stepping back, it’s been like spending 3 weeks watching a frog try to jump its way out of a greased wok, while spectators stand around arguing over its chances. It’s hard to pick an outcome. Mass head cracking? A compromise riddled with stalling lingo and long distance promises?  Who knows.

Wok a nightmare

Wok a nightmare

So anyway, with heavily layered aluminum moulded all over my head and coat-hangers dangling from my ceiling to deflect electromagnetic radiation and brain infiltrating gamma rays, the coast is clear to wade into the muck and inspect some of the opinions related to the great Hong Kong Protests of 2014…no matter how fantastically crazy they may seem to be or how kooky they get. Let’s start with this outrageous timeline I came across somewhere way, way, way out…deep in the internet:


This is totally outlandish and I, for one, won’t tolerate such an outrageous conspiracy theory. China wasn’t ass fucked by Britain in 1839. It was between 1839 and 1997 that they were continually ass fucked by Britain.

Why won't people listen to me?? The Hong Kong protests are all about democracy, peace and loooooove!!

Why won’t people listen to me?? The Hong Kong protests are all about democracy, peace and loooooove!! The protests have nothing to do with disgusting Chinamen or the extermination of locusts. That was the old protest…this is the new one…with extra looooooove! Hurray!

What’s next? Some insane conspiracy theorists out there have been contending that the whole Hong Kong protest episode has been fuelled, funded, trained and backed by creepy world giant, America, all for the purposes of undermining China and strengthening world democracy…or some shit. These are seriously deluded nuts who probably still live with their parents and haven’t been out of their bedroom in 17 years. If they knew anything at all they would know that local Hong Kong citizens don’t need any help whatsoever to fuel their white-hot rage toward the mainland invasion that has been destroying their city and standard of living more and more every year since 1997. Their revulsion needs no backing or inspiration at all, thank you very much.

These protests aren’t to do with democracy or US skullduggery…oh no…that’s conspiracy theory nutjob stuff and won’t be tolerated here…these protests are about good old-fashioned hate. And why not? If someone came into my house and pissed and shat on the floor, stole my toothpaste and shampoo and gave birth to a mewling cabbage in the spare room I’d put aside for Aunty Gin, I’d want to show them the door too. The Chinese media, who are reporting this idea of US backing, are not to be trusted…nor is the German media or the Russian media who are reporting the same thing. Crazy fucking nuts. Even America’s official foreign policy, which gives support for the democratisation of HK under the Omnibus Appropriations Act of 2009  (provision of $17 million for the promotion of democracy in Hong Kong) should only be taken with a grain of salt. If it was possible to identify the influence of CIA spooks within the Occupy Central ranks, what are we going to do? Cry ‘conspiracy’ like some deranged lunatic? CIA assets would only be responsible for the supply of delicious apples and water bottles for a couple of supply stations here and there anyway. Big deal! So, yes…I diligently block out all reports that try to demonise creepy world giant, America…no matter how hard they attempt to infiltrate my protective tin foil defense systems. Conflicting views and outrageous conspiracy theories simply aren’t to be tolerated. Apples and water bottles however, don’t do any harm at all and can be tolerated. Why, Uncle Sam says we can all have a free apple whenever we want. Hurray! 🙂

Captain America overseas the protests on behalf of creepy world giant, America.

Captain America overseas the protests on behalf of creepy world giant, America.


What else? Lately, there has been a lot of frothing at the mouth about thuggery, hired mobsters and gangsters causing problems for innocent, defenseless, peaceful protesters.  Thousands of boring broken records are out there using up precious internet space playing Where’s Wongo – spotting, identifying and calling out paid agitators and gang members who they say are in the employ of diabolical CY Leung to break up protests…these ignorant bores are literally tripping over each other as they post images online captioned with stammering comments like ‘there is no way he is from HK look at him he’s a paid mainlander!’ or ‘look at his tattoos, he is a gangster!’ and ‘CY Leung ought to be ashamed!’ Well, this sort of conspiratorial quackery is hardly fit to print. CY Leung tossing a few Hong Kong dollars around among some of his good friends for a few favours is nothing compared to the gargantuan budgets western leaders have at their disposal to control information, silence dissent, bribe, blackmail and extort whistleblowers, imprison dissidents and crush opposition.

Hk$500 to tear down a supply station full of water bottles and crisp, juicy apples? Are these kooks for real? How does that even compare to the kind of institutionalised corruption and felony western leaders commit each and every day? You think China is a den of corruption…stand in AWE at the all time, undefeated  world champions of hard-core corruption…the west. Those fuckers wrote the fucking book. At the very least…how is one better than the other? We’re talking greasy politicians here. You’d have to be a dangerously unhinged lunatic…a conspiracy loving nutcase…to imply that one group of politicians are better than another. What’s CY  to do anyway? You think he’s going to say no to China? Fuck, they’ll curb-stomp his jawbone or take his thumbs or something. Maybe these crazy conspiracy nutjobs should try for a second to absorb comrade Leung’s own comments on the issue of thuggery and use of intimidation tactics:

“What would you do if thousands of painfully idealistic students camped out playing ping pong and ordering McDonald’s on streets all over your city for 3 weeks? What would you do if you were part of a supposed ‘minority’ NOT hoodwinked by this whole democracy love and peace bullshit? What if you saw it for what it is…a spiteful, elitist hate campaign, originally known as ‘Occupy Central Against Locusts & Chinamen’, run by spoilt self-entitled milk-sops against their own people…all disguised as a virtuous love-in? How could you possibly explain the futility and irrationality of such a tantrum to thousands of protesters who are scandalously unable to admit or probably even see their true motivations? They want democracy? What the fuck are these deadshits on about? Hong Kong never had democracy before anyway, so why should China ‘give’ it to them now? Are these people fucking insane? To the average Chinese man or woman with any shred of insight, all this humping at the western leg must really make them swoon. Here’s a city, originally designed to serve the drug pushing, bullying, lying, cheating, money-laundering British Empire, by emptying it of resources and prosperity and consolidating it all on behalf of criminals in London…for over a hundred years, mind you…begging, just begging, the instant their home nation passes a bit of inevitable legislation about the 2017 elections, to basically go back to their old swindling, forked tongued masters. Talk about knee jerk, ungrateful cunts.”

– CY Leung
(Excerpted from an impromptu morning assembly speech delivered to The Hong Kong Jockey Club Mother of the Weeping Virgin Widow Presbyterian Catholic Leung Shau Ping Old Boys’ Association PWSCC cum Memorial Primary School Number 2.)


Classic straight arm finger point tactics

Classic straight arm finger point tactics

Anti protest agitators dismantle barricades while thousands of peaceful protesters look on

Anti protest agitators dismantle barricades while thousands of peaceful protesters look on


And the conspiracy theories roll on…what about this piece of paranoid, misguided, ill-conceived propaganda…

The Real Issue in Hong Kong Protests

How dare an upstanding institution like CNBC sully the name of good, honest, hard working journalists everywhere by daring to suggest that the Hong Kong protests are much more nuanced than most reports would have us believe? How dare they suggest that the true motivation for Occupy Central is not a heart warming pining for democracy, but a much more complex issue hinged on rising economic uncertainty in Hong Kong and ‘misguided colonialist nostalgia accompanied by ugly discrimination of the mainland Chinese & even virulent bullying’?

Strike me down! It gets even more oddball from the CNBC madmen. My tin foil hat is literally buzzing like a beehive. How can they look at themselves in the mirror and use phrases like ‘according to the narrative in the west’. Narrative? Are these nutcases implying that the western media is making up stories? I won’t hear of it. Let us not tolerate these outrageous conspiracy theories. What else have they had the gall to say…

when under British rule from 1841-1997, the UK did not promote democracy. That begun, conveniently, after the handover.

– huge discrepancy between HK’s economic gains and its eroding social fabric

– the real precedent for the HK protests is the Occupy Wall Street movement in the US

– HK’s income inequality is worse than Zimbabwe

– What HK needs is responsible political development..yeah…not students sitting around singing kumbaya and gnashing their teeth because mainlanders are dirty

Fuck! I think I just lost the rear deflector shield in my tin foil hat! It sounds like someone is frying bacon in my brain! How dare CNBC spread such grossly accurate, impartial, fair and balanced information? This is just another deluded opinion that must be avoided at all costs. Don’t mess with our peace and love CNBC, mmmk.

Far enough removed from mainstream media to spread a little truth?

What about this? Talk about whacko…

Good god…the gamma rays are slicing at the back of my eyeballs and lazering my skull into diced bone! Must…increase…foil…

It gets worse…listen to the music! It’s got to be true…

Head imploding…coat-hangers melting…

Then there’s this article…and a million more out there I’ve been avoiding, all trying to bring down my feel-good buzz. I can’t take it. I got to get out of here and get back where I belong…back to the streets to play ping pong and eat KFC on the road…with hundreds and thousands of my other democracy buddies…buddies?…hey…where’d everybody go??

People power

Democracy. The people have spoken with their feet…and nearly all gone home


Get the fuck off the street you dirty hippies, we're trying to get through to Cafe de Coral

This post brought to you by some of CY Leung’s closest friends. “Get the fuck off the street you dirty hippies, we’re trying to get through to Cafe de Coral.”

Who's up for some ping pong?

Who’s up for some ping pong?

This entry was posted in Hong Kong. Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Hong Kong Conspiracy

  1. Don Quixote says:

    Just Pathetic! and about CNBC well thats just a Pile of steaming SHIT. Where have the Colonial flags gone? ah I forgot, Britain vote in favor of moving the financial market to Shanghai… Brakes your heart when your master leaves you to the wild. Hong Kong people better wise up and understand they are part of a Country now, CHINA.

  2. Anon says:

    No offense dude, but on this issue you write like a totally unhinged nutter. Can you just write one cogent piece on this? I would have thought that the nonsensical Alex Jones style gibberish would be beneath such a supposed worldly cynic and satirist such as yourself. It’s all very teenager, puberty, reading (and accepting as gospel) Noam Chomsky, unable to get laid, never leaving your mum’s house, etc.

    Incidentally, are you an ABC or CBC by any chance?

  3. I thought I told you to strap on your tin foil hat… you were specifically instructed to don tin foil hats for your own protection…anyway that’s just your brain getting gamma rayed don’t worry about it

  4. Tiesi says:

    I’m really worried about this city and people can protect their wealth and housings.
    This city have already gone from the westerner’s memory and brain.
    People like dudley dawson have stayed in West?
    People belong me, a lot of people will think and feel really pity about the people who still
    stayed in Hong kong.
    Also I can’t ensure this comment have saved in this blog after posting.
    Does Chin’s tomb discovered by British?(or damaged)
    And pope of Vatican have gone to far east for pick the herb of eternal youth to Qin shi hwang?

  5. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for checking in Borat

  6. jojo says:

    So what’s your point Dudley..?? You are basically saying there is as much BS and hypocrisy with the protests and occupy central protesters than there is with the spineless CY Leung, with China, and with the US/UK imperialists. But so then.. where do we go from here… what s the point? so if everything is corrupt (which it is)… where s the truth, where s the light, where s the light DAMMIT!!?

  7. olivier says:

    Dudley is right in every way, everyone in this city is fucked, Hutchinson Whampoa, Jardine Matheson Swire Zeman and all these guys have turned Hong Kong into a big park for mainlanders, they are now Hk’s main source of income anyway, leave while you can and stop bitching Occupy Central was just embarassing , all these young healty guys ranting about China without any thought for the elderly living in poverty fuck joshua wong and all these retards and fuck all the gwai lo hippies who though they had it all figured out for lashing out again China, especially the english.

  8. Anonymous says:

    While I agree with you on some of those basic points I disagree in one way. I think Occupy Central was a good chance to publicly bad mouth Communist Mainland China. It’s always a good idea to seize every chance you can get in this city to complain publicly and loudly about those evil commie fuckers.

  9. Fuck up! Every in here get out because I’m sick breh.
    You make me cocked up and gutted, lost the plot, shambles
    arse overtit, up for it outside, on the pull you fuckers!
    You fucked my bollocks you fuckers!
    And I’ve get in starkers.
    Yesterday, I’ve fucked tad fanny.
    You throwed me in this nicked city!
    yOU FUCKED MY CHAP’S bollocks and that was kind of dog’s bollocks you fuckers!!

  10. Kevin Mallen says:

    I think it was a good article. It made me smile to realize somebody else out there understands. Thank you whoever you are…

  11. Ana Li Fuk Ng says:

    Now they fully appreciate how much better it was under the Brits in ‘The good old days’. This site may suggest Britain treated this place badly…buts that bullshit: no Britain = Hong Kong.

    Put that in your opium pipe and smoke on it.

  12. James says:

    I think this article to be disturbingly anti-British. Did they fuck Hong Kong from every hole? I wouldn’t say that. Were they “benevolent” dictators? Maybe, but at least not as bad as Beijing, who are anything but benevolent. The truth of the matter is that Hong Kong became a safe heaven for 100s of thousands of mainlanders, who would risk death swimming across Shenzhen Bay to reach Hong Kong. For what? At least from what I know for a safer place to live. Ask those native HK tribes around Yuen Long and region, they will have another tale about the “ass fucking” British, who were quite literally benevolent towards those thugs. Anyway, not that I give a shit, but whether the British promoted democracy or not, they still made Hong Kong A LOT safer than the merciless maniacs from up north, who will not hesitate to scalp or mutilate anyone who speaks against the regime in any way or form. This article was written from a “HK perspective” – lazy-ass, spoiled brat, Lan Kwai Fong/Central/Sheung Wan etc. dweller – and not from a brutal and totalitarian perspective.

  13. Clint says:

    Ohhh cry me a river you dumb cunt. You make it sound like Imperial Britain had one thing in mind…to save poor Chinamen from evil Chinese communists. You really think the British East India Company gave a fuck about Shenzhen Bay swimmers trying to dog paddle their way to Kowloon? Fuck no. They were too busy setting up HK and its harbour for some truly big time global swindling…all while poisoning southern China with as much opium as their shyster conman hands could push. If a few Chinks made it safely into HK territory, big fucking deal. HK was never meant for them anyway and their descendants now live in cage homes or with their parents and grandparents in a 200sqf cubicle in the sky, working menial customer service jobs for the rest of their lives. HK was established by known criminals for the purpose of making money. And oh how they did. Take your shallow, libtard, one dimensional philosophizing back to Starbucks and have a fucking latte you dumb fuck.

  14. Ana Li Fuk Ng says:

    I know a man who is super rich. On his mantle piece is a deflated basketball and behind it the Union Jack. He clung to the basketball when he swam from Macau and is forever grateful to the British, who fished him out of UK waters and gave him a life.

    So fuck you little Clint. There is more than just 1 dimension to either yours or James perspective.

    Finally, the dream so many HK parents is to have their kids educated in the UK. That says something about their British sentiment.

  15. Dystopian Chan says:

    Tens of millions (not tens of thousands) had fled from China to Hong Kong from 1841 to 1997. If you ever experienced the Taiping Rebellion, the Cultural Revolution or anything in-between, you would think Nazi concentration camp is a safe haven.

    I just watched Scarlett Johansson’s Ghost in the Shell–yet another dystopian Hong Kong movie.

  16. James says:

    Clint, you are a colossal, rude, motherfucking CUNT! Go fuck yourself dumbfuck.

  17. James says:

    Hong Kong sucks not only because of callous Chinese, but because of motherfuckers like this little shithead named Clint. Fuck that!

  18. James says:

    … and by the way, I fucking HATE Starbucks. That fucking shit is for cunts like you.

  19. Wang On Chin says:

    Feng Shui man / witches in CWB / Confusious all say:
    Clint don’t know his history

  20. Clint says:

    Pointing out historical fact – not the bile you dipshits learned in movies, social media and the 6 o’clock news – is confronting isn’t it? It fucks with your Disneyland world view and needles your cognitive dissonance.

  21. Fuk Yu says:

    Clint, James and other fucking losers,

    Did you come to Hong Kong to teach English? If yes, boy, I got some good news for you!

    Fuk Yu International School at Kowloon Tong is now hiring! We pay above the minimum wage!!

  22. Fuk Yu Too says:

    Clint, James and other fucking losers,

    Are you guys teaching English? If yes, boy, I got some good news for you.

    Fuk Yu Memorial Primary School is now hiring English teacher. They pay 7.77% more than the minimum wage $32.5 per hour.

  23. Wang On Chin says:

    Clint be small man, half breed so half brain. Daddy wanted Clint Eastward lookalike…got little Clint, so sad for Daddy!

    Fuk Yu…make sure your Western boss dont know you sending naughty emails. We will fire you from your job on reception or ‘Cusomers Services’

  24. Tony M says:

    Only in Hong Kong would you get ‘People’ like the creature above believing its an insult to suggest someone s a teacher. I show teachers respect and gratitude. Nearly everone does, around the world, but here in this dirty shithole. .

    I agree with Wang, this fool deserves to be fired.

  25. James says:

    Needless to mention that this individual works for a ‘school’ called ‘Fuk Yu’. Fuk Yu too for you, and go back to your Fook Kin shithole.

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