The Century of Humiliation is Over!

An address from honourable leader Xi Jinping to the people of Hong Kong

An address from honourable leader Xi Jinping to the people of Hong Kong…

Hong Kong Comrades,

An ancient Chinese proverb says that it is a fool who judges people on the presents they give him. In 156 years of British rule, what did you receive? Widespread opium addiciton? The degraded, underground title of unofficial British Drug Money Laundering Capital of the World? People smuggling hub of the world? Illicit trade headquarters? A bank bearing your name which is so staggeringly corrupt it makes the National People’s Congress look like a retirement home knitting circle? A ruling presence which all but turned a blind eye to a routing Japanese invasion in 1941 that saw large-scale looting and the gang rape of more than 10,000 Hong Kong women? A political system where the rich get richer and the poor live in squalid cages or urinate where they lay groveling on the street? A superiority complex so ingrained that when you look to the north it is down the length of your nose? Friends, tell me what thing of substance British rule has given you in all these years? Democracy? Let me tell you a few home truths about democracy.

Yay democracy!

Yay democracy!

Democracy is a system run by corrupt felons scratching and clawing up each other’s backs in pursuit of money and power. Politicians are all bought and sold among highest bidders who use them to further grease their greedy aims. The media is a whore that can only be trusted to say what it is told to say and the idea of a fair system of vote, even if it was fair, is a diabolical choice between a steaming, nose stinging coiler on your bed sheets and a massive turd spattered and globbed all over your kitchen table.  Democratic chest-beater, the United States of America has spent the last 50 or 60 years framing brown people for crimes they did not commit and then bombing innocent men, women and children back to the stone age so they can ‘save them from one evil dictator or another’ all while, as luck would have it, securing influence over important global regions useful to many of the world’s top 40 or so businesses…which largely happen to be oil and gas concerns. It’s the stacked deck of mob rule, media spin, bribery and extortion that has kept countries like America from appearing as what they are…hired thugs of the rich and powerful…and appearing as what they are not…do-good cops in a dangerous world. But friends, the world is moving on. The thin veneer of democracy is peeling away. The world is a jungle and Xi Jinping offers you his protection.

Greed is good

Greed is good

Comrades, the People’s Communist Party of China welcomes you back into the fold. What you are experienceing now is only natural, considering all you have endured in more than 100 years of Running Dog rule. All of your aggression, your questioning, protesting and distrust is simply the result of mass societal schizophrenia. You are experiencing an episode characterized by abnormal social behaviour and failure to recognise what is real. Common symptoms include false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking and auditory hallucinations. Dr Xi sees all. Your minds are splintered and cloudy. A hundred odd years as a sham world city will do that to you. A hundred odd years as the West’s private piggy bank will do that to anyone. But comrades, hear me now and hear me well…this is where the healing begins. So go ahead and project all your anger onto the CPC…take to the streets…occupy Central…occupy Admiralty…occupy Tin Shui Wai if you must. Occupy for democracy. Protest in the name of  this sick mirage…this abused system of corruption and greed. Get it out of your system. We assure you that, for now, your slings and arrows, spite and hate will be received with understanding and love. Because that’s the kind of organisation the CPC is. And when you are ready to finally come home, after this transient public psychotic phase, we will be waiting with our arms open…and we will never, ever let you go again. That is a promise.

Teething problems

Teething problems. A little bit of tear gas never hurt anyone.

Citizens, a wise man from northern China once said something that I think is poignant and pertinent given the current situation in Hong Kong. It is a proverb that we can all learn from and how I choose to end my address…up the dosage Hong Kong because the rat who gnaws at a cat’s tail invites destruction.

Your benevolent leader,

Xi Jinping
September 2014

This post sponsored by HSBC...laundering drug money and other ill gains since 1865.

This post sponsored by HSBC…laundering drug money and other ill-gotten gains since 1865.


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13 Responses to The Century of Humiliation is Over!

  1. John Doe says:

    I have been checking your blog every few hours over the last few days to see what you have to say about the ongoing protests. I was hoping you would shed your cynicism and disdain for the people of Hong Kong and admire their social conscience and peaceful protests. After all, your previous post seemed to indicate that your were anti-Beijing and pro-democracy.

    Instead, you come up with this tirade. If I had read this piece in 2007, I would readily assumed that it was satire and nothing else. But, now, after the Global Financial Crisis and the failed Arab Spring, I don’t know what to read into it. Strangely enough, I am feeling sympathetic towards the Chinese Communist Party. Yes, they are corrupt. Yes, they are authoritarian. But, all that they are really trying to do is to preserve the concept of “One-China”. Taiwan, Hong Kong, Macau, Xinjiang, Tibet. As far as ideals go, that is not a bad one to pursue.

  2. Don Quixote says:

    I’m amazed by the social display, but given the current state of international affairs I don’t think is wise to rise a flag of China inverted, as you Hong Kong people only insult yourselves. You’re peacefully protesting opening the door to the international conspiratirors who dream of a destroyed China and frankly give a fuck about Hong Kong, as long as they can destroy the chinese unification by the CCP. It’s brave, it’s admirable but very foolish. Why disrespect your own country in such a terrible way. Cheer an inverted flag of your motherland? You kids are playing with fire, if you don’t know how to handle it you will end up burned. By the way Long Live the CCP. Democracy is a farce I know it very well, you kids are free to disrespect a flag built with the blood of the millions of martirs. For you I the way to presume you’re different but for the ones. Who honor history you are crossing a very sensitive line.

  3. Don Quixote says:

    correction of mistype: You think this is a way to brag about your differences with the mainland, but for the ones Who honor history you are crossing a very sensitive line. I really hope the best to come out of this and not the spark of separatism.

  4. Anonymous says:

    entertaining read, thanks

  5. Anonymous says:

    I tend to disagree. I don’t understand why people have to associate democracy with US as if hoover means vacuum cleaner. Why HK can’t have its own version of democracy — I mean every country has its unique political landscape and if you are from the UK, as I think you are — think of Margaret Thacher — did she not win through General Election, and did she not resign when her policy was challenged by her own cabinet… could you try to think that there are a DIVERSE forms of democracy everywhere… I believe you must have some knowledge of Poli Sci and know that even democracy has a spectrum and US’s model is just one of them.

    Re China, if you read the news in China, they are advertising the riot event on the 30th (and before) as a popular rally to show SUPPORT for the PRC-mandated current election model (instead of reporting the truth — that people are protesting AGAINST it):

    You see — you are choosing between a possibility of a life in North Korea vs life with certain Democractic ideal. Who cares what corruption there is — there is BOUND to be corruption and politicians engaging in bribes in just ANY form of political model. Here, the DIFFERENCE being — if you vote for your own choice, they are accountable because you, AT LEAST, have the ability to vote them down should they dont’ live up to the expectations — that is called accountability which is not present in the current system. One example of such policy-making where the HK-people doesn’t have a voice at all is Housing Supply, Land-use policy and e.g. to push for rental control regulations like in the NYC and, perhaps, capital gains tax to curb the real estate bubbles, … perhaps re-diverting tax income for a universal retirement scheme, instead of having PRC-rubber-stamping CEs who places PRC interests before local people’s.

    I don’t personally care if PRC stop giving economic advantages to HK — remember HK is the party who invested the most into the PRC; hot money should go somewhere so that smaller shops like regular you-and-me restaurant can survive instead of keep being shut down by landlords who raise rentals like there is no tomorrow. I don’t care so much about tourisim industry — surely there are other ways to survive; HK has enough millionaires (the most in the world almost), time to redivert some wealth to the needies here. The current political system will never achieve this, because, e.g. Mr CY Leung was voted by his buddies in the commercial circles, he was personally an ex-partner of the prestigious real-estate management shop Jones Lang La Salle, of course it wouldn’t be surprising that his policies are all real-estate-conglom-friendly…

    I wonder if You and I had a choice, what policies would we like? At least you have a say…
    NYC pushed through rental control and the market stabilized then… do I want that for myself and my next generation? Hell Yea…

  6. Anonymous says:

    And do I want twisted news like those in the age of Cultural Revolution? Hell No! Do you guys know how news re June-4 got blocked back then in 1989? Did you ever talk to PRC-born-and-raised PRC-ers who did not even have any channel to know any form of truth until they left their motherland and had some form of awakening?

    That said, do I love my country? Hell yea! But I would rather find a compromise so each can pleasantly co-exist while helping each other to grow. HK is a tiny dot on the PRC map, yes its say is negligible as far as political influence is conerned, but you still can’t stop people from fighting for what they believe in — it is their future, if you don’t care/don’t agree don’t judge their efforts — imagine if you would have the guts to spend a few nights on the streets yourself, for causes that you believe in… I respect them, and I am neither a HK-fan or a US-fan; I try to be as objective as I can in my analysis…

    Do I want my country to get strong? Hell yea!!! GO PRC GO! BUT, do I frown upon US trying to influence? No actually, because the world would get upside down if there stops being some BALANCE OF POWER… would I not be proud if HK can develop its unique system while still complying with PRC’s wishes — yea, I hope these youngsters’ effort won’t be completely in vain…

    That’s why opposing poli parties have appeals because of balancing of powers and representation of minority voices!!!

    Time for some poli sci classes People!!

  7. Anonymous says:

    Switzerland and many other countries (see above links) are practice various other forms of Democracy. People — please stop using the US as a once-and-for-all generalization for the concept of Democracy…

    even the US doesn’t work on the model of direct voting by the People… it’s indirect voting through electoral college….here in HK they are advocating for something slightly different… please note.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Different forms of democracy that also seem to build strong countries, U.S. is not equivalent to the one-and-only type of Democracy. Please also consider using Switzerland and Germany as examples. Thanks.

  9. Xi Jinping says:

    Shades of democracy do not concern the Chinese. China is burgeoning in the world economy and can more than provide an excellent standard of living and way of life for the people of HK. Western media need to stop with their scare-mongering and treatment of the nation of China as if it is a coniving, sinister threat to HK. Far from that, China is the future. Of course Hong Kong was always bound to experience this period of fraction and schism. But let’s not forget why HK is in this predicament in the first place.

    Xi Jinping has spoken. You’d do well to listen.

  10. Sweetandsour says:

    Economy and locusts etc aside, what bugs me is the hair issue. I mean, WTF is all this hair playing about? The local HK guys are forever searching for their reflection in windows etc, just to fix hair. Going into the male toilet in HK is like going into a girls toilet. Leave the hair alone, guys.You are not girls!

  11. Anonymous says:


  12. Sweetandsour says:

    and, what’s with the little stuffed toys and dolls that the guys hang off their back packs?

  13. Mattstar says:

    HK was better off under UK than if it had been under Chinese control. Choice of evils sure, but China control = Great march, re-education, starvation, paranoia and 2 to 3 different rulers. Gotta be worse than some sorta life in HK, and a chance of success and self directed independence and wealth in Hong Kong. Thats what I think anyway, because I FUCKING HATE COMMUNISM full of tools who think they know better than you what to do with your own life….also, not everyone wanted opium, it was not a drug that people were forced to smoke? Kind of patronising to assume that just cos it was legal the poor locals could not resist? I kind of wish it was legal again, would like to try it, might be a nice escape from this shit hole of a town.

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