Let’s Have a Disgusting Selfish Picnic on the Bus!

Let's have a picnic on the bus. Good idea. I have cooked food and hot tea.

Let’s have a picnic on the bus. Good idea. I have cooked food and hot tea. But won’t the powerful smell of our cooked food, the sight of us eating on the bus and the sound of our slurping and smacking mouths annoy other passengers? Hahahahaha. No way. Let’s go!
Mummy I'm hungry and thirsty...oh darling mummy has brought some cooked food and a hot drink for your bus ride home let me rummage around in my bag and get it all ready for you darling...thanks mummy.

Mummy are you sure it’s ok to have a picnic on the bus? Oh darling mummy has brought some cooked food and a hot drink for your bus ride home. Mummy’s Indonesian slave…you know…the brown woman who sleeps under the sofa…helped to make it. Don’t worry. Let mummy rummage around in her bag and get it all ready for you…Ok thanks mummy.

Don't you mind a thing darling...clink and clank and scrape and slurp it all down. Dig that spoon right into every corner of that noisy metallic bowl. The louder you smack your gums together the happier mummy is.

Don’t you mind a thing my little fishball…clink and clank and scrape and slurp it all down. Dig that spoon right into every corner of that noisy metallic bowl. The louder you smack your gums together and the more often you stab that metal bowl with your metal spoon the happier mummy is. Make some noise my son!

Don't worry about those people holding their nose as the stench of your strange food wafts into their nostrils. They're just jealous. Smack your gums louder darling. Scrap and tap and clink and ting that metallic spoon all over that metallic bowl with a little more urgency darling.

Don’t worry about those people holding their nose at the stench of your bus picnic. Their stinging nostrils are just jealous. Smack your gums louder my little pig knuckle. Scrape and tap and clink and ting that metallic spoon all over that metallic bowl. There’s absolutely no reason at all not to.

Slurp it up. See how far you can get your head inside that bowl. Don't miss any. I won't mummy.

Slurp it up. See how far you can get your head inside that bowl. Don’t miss any. I won’t mummy. Tink tink clink clank tink slurp slap.

Time for some hot tea precious. Let mummy get it all ready for you.

Time for some hot tea my little dim sum. Here…let mummy get it all ready for you. Mummy why does that Indonesian sleep under our sofa? Hahaha. You don’t want her sharing your room do you? Hahaha no mummy. No way!

Mummy will pour some tea for you. You just keep eating. Keep shoveling food down your throat.

Mummy will pour some tea for you. You just keep eating. Keep shoveling food down your throat. I will mummy. Slap slap slurp burp chomp smack smack.

Let me feed you like a 10yo baby.

Let me feed you like an infant…even though you’re 10 years old.

There's my little milksop. Slurp it down. Noisily.

There’s my little milksop. Slurp it down. Noisily. I will mummy. Slurp slurp slurp.

I'll thank you all to mind your own business while I spoil and pamper my song with this delicious bus picnic.

I’ll thank you all to mind your own business while I spoil and pamper my son with this delicious bus picnic. Recoil from my lofty self important gaze.

And off we go. Enjoying our picnic in the bus safe from the choking smog.

And off we go. Enjoying our picnic on the bus safe from the choking smog.

This post brought to you by Hong Kong neighbours with the power of PROJECTION! Voices so ridiculously loud they barge out their closed door and right in through yours! It’s almost like having them in your own living room 🙂 and no…the wailing voice doesn’t belong to someone waiting outside the lifts or in the corridor…she’s in her home…with her door shut

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26 Responses to Let’s Have a Disgusting Selfish Picnic on the Bus!

  1. hong kong hater says:

    +1 some cunt on the MTR had bought his dead fish that he was gonna devour for dinner – felt like taking it off him and giving him a slap around the face with it

  2. blackjackhides says:

    Hi – Love your blog

    I would love for you to do a rant on Hong Kong people who use BNO passports (thinking that they’re British or something) and restaurants in Hong Kong that people claim are amazing but compared with overseas are pretty sub-grade standard.

    🙂

  3. Chris G says:

    Try getting the ferry from Central to Discovery Bay. Plenty of people, expats mostly, eating on the lower deck. Hot food, alcoholic drinks, convenience store snacks the lot. Despite the signs on the bulkheads and a pa announcement asking them not to. The boat ends up looking like its hosted a chimps tea party after its docked.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Same with Lamma ferry. It’s invariably some shit sandwich and no drink. They wolf the sandwich down in brick-sized bites and then start coughing violently since they didn’t bring nothing to wash it down with. Sometimes they have their obligatory hot water in the plastic bottle.

  5. the_travelling_trini says:

    What? Drinking on the ferry is our god given right, dammit!!!!!

  6. the_travelling_trini says:

    Oh, and now I have to assume you live in Aberdeen!

  7. SAVEHK says:

    are you sure they are Hong Kongese? not mainland chinese?
    Im quite sure most of the local Hong Kongese won’t do something that obvious on bus.

    Just one little question, do you know how to identify local Hong Kongese and mainland Chinese/immigrants?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Excuses, Excuses, Excuses! The locals as well as the mainlanders do these sorts of shitty things on a daily basis. There really is no difference anymore. I’m sick and tired of the locals blaming the mainlanders for everything. You both behave like animals (not all, but most).

    I’d also like to throw in all the non Chinese living in Hong Kong. Most of them behave like creodonts too. There’s something about this dreadful city that turns people into complete selfish assholes. I’m glad I’m not one of them!

  9. Don Quixote forever! says:

    Thank God I am already 3 weeks free from that depressing cave, I’m back to clean air, clean water, healthy food… I finally leave that place yeeeeeeeeee! 🙂

  10. Pet dans le trom says:

    savehk> yeah – HKnese will never do that – they have way too much respect for their peers …

  11. two wongs don't make a right says:

    Young fellow was probably on his way to another of the many activities his mother put him in because it will look good on the application for his next school. No time for a proper meal if it cuts into CV-building! Lucky you didn’t say anything – the mother looks like she’s no stranger to brawling in public places.

  12. aurora says:

    Old men just love clipping their nails on my bus. Even those blackhead sticker patches for your nose and face have been used on my bus route.The passengers exit but the horrid dirty nail clippings and pimple blackhead papers stays behind.
    Dirty dirty people

  13. End of Hk says:

    Before British domination, Hong kongers ate human poops and also snakes. I feel really sorry and shame for British authors in past when HKers say “We’re different from mainland. We were part of UK.” The things that they taught from Britain were so basic things. If someone say Britain is suck the first reason must be Hong kong and HSBC. Massacred by UK, massacred by Japan(During WW2), massacred by CCP, really awesome history, dude.

  14. ies says:

    Just this place is suck like Anonymous. That’s all!!

  15. End of Hk says:

    It’s better to call”raped” rather than massacred. Whether how many shitty whites or shitty yellows or shitty blacks in the world, I believed they’re better than this 7millions people. This place is really nightmare. If you have been to this place, everyone on Earth looks like angels and saints. This place killing you slowly even now.

  16. End of Hk says:

    The things that felt in Hong kong are how proud of my nation is. “I’m proud of im Argentines.” “I’m proud of im Malaysian.”

  17. yui says:

    It’s so strange Hong kongers call someone wrongly “muslim”or “terrorist”. Most of Hong kong people are Buddhists. Why they concern about it?

  18. End of HK says:

    Have you guys seen this fucking elder? He attended anti-China strike in Hong kong. But in Senkaku, he found Chinese flag on Senkaku island. man, I can’t guess what they considered about and their duality is daily life.

  19. 五靑 says:

    Try to learn and speak Cantonese through started by say “Reihao!” Then, you will understand principle of how shitty and ugly human can gets. Also speak English shitty.

  20. tony says:

    fuck u all foreign muthfuckers.The triads are gonna fuck you all up

  21. Katherine says:

    Super funny post – I keep reading again. In some strange way it makes me want to ride a bus in Hong Kong and smell (and listen to) a real bus picnic.

  22. lation says:

    this blog is shite.

  23. End of Hk says:

    Anonymous,
    Eat poop! You’ll go to toilet if you tried meal.
    Rage!

  24. Chris G says:

    Grammar guys,grammar.

  25. 15wongnh1 says:

    Guys, I’m a Hongkonger and I like this blog. We find this thought-provoking, and most of all, hilarious.

  26. Anonymous says:

    I am living and born in HK and I don’t call myself HongKonger , I just sick of other people call themselves a HKese /er, come on man , have you seen a american call himself new yorker ? I know those shitty people just want to discriminate between themselves and the Mainland Chinese people , these fucker just think they took more advantage and was more civilized ,please just fuck off ! HongKong is going down , back to earth and face the fucking facts ! There is not thing you could let you all fuckers pound of it anymore .the only thing leave inside about these brainless radical is selfish , discrimination , clueless , incompetence .Once if I got my chance to leaving this damned place,then I must out ! whatever where I go. The last thing I would want to say : hell ya fucking right! Hong Kong just sucks , HongKonger and dimshit go fuck yourself and eat some shit!

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