Hong Kong: The Fast the Slow and the Fucked in the Head

Go on talking about Hong Kong

Go on talking about Hong Kong

Evening Hong Kong lovers.

Thought we might take a look at just how fast Hong Kong is…because wow…the pace of life is just so fucking fast in Hong Kong I just can’t believe it. But that’s not all…as a bonus I’ve included…just how fucking slow Hong Kong is and as an extra bonus…just how fucked in the head Hong Kong is. Let’s take a squizz…

The FAST

1. The super fast local who snags a seat on the MTR against all odds and at any cost. It’s quite something to watch the precision, the single-mindedness, the drive, the purpose and the determination locals muster when bagging that all important seat. Their slick nimbleness belies their pasty translucent pallor and drink of water posture.

Seat snaggin'

Seat snaggin’

2. The speed at which locals speak is so damn fast, with so few pauses for breath they’d give a group of Filipino maids a run for their money.

3. Feeling hungry? Hong Kong people are always hungry and enjoy nothing more than satisfying that hunger by gorging at break-neck speed. Chopsticks blur like pistons as they attack their feed and stab it into their greedy mouths until it’s all gone.

Chopstick pistons

Chopstick pistons start your engines

Go go go

Go go go

It's dinner time again...again.

It’s dinner time again…again.

4. Everyone’s a racing car driver in Hong Kong..and you crossing the road enrages them. They won’t allow it. If you try, they will accelerate from as far away as 100 meters just to head you off at the pass. They dive bomb corners like Chinese Kamikaze, roar down narrow crowded roads and gun their car in 10 meter bursts when it’s bumper to bumper.  They recklessly speed to make traffic lights even if it means just missing the green and having to sit moronically idle in the middle of a pedestrian crossing engulfed by people.

Street looked ideal for high speed...don't know how I went wrong

Street looked ideal for high speed…don’t know how I went wrong

There's a car in the middle somewhere...the dickhead driver thought he could make the light

There’s a car in the middle somewhere…the driver thought he could make the light…now he’s a public spectacle and hopefully having his car keyed

5. They are quick to judge. Westerners are shockingly loose and open minded hedonists out to get what they can, ‘black people’ are scary monsters, Indians stink and can’t be trusted…Filipinos are all psychopathic bus murderers. Hong Kongers are the masters of preconceived notions, gaping generalizations, stereotypes, cliche, group think, suspicion and no questions asked stigmatization. They are staggeringly ignorant and they’ll prove it to you in a second.

Not to be trusted

Not to be trusted

6. Hong Kong people are the fastest people I’ve ever seen (and the only people I’ve ever seen) to whip out their calculator to painstakingly and fastidiously split their Yum Cha bill after a gathering with friends to try many delicious food.

As soon as this bowl's done the calculators are coming out. Gonna split that bill right up fair and square.

Trying many delicious food

The SLOW

1. After whipping out their calculator, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bigger cluster fuck than watching 5 or 6 Hong Kongers struggle to work out who pays what. Bills are checked in triplicate by each individual all to the tune of some of the most horrendously disturbing Cantonese cackling you’ll ever want to hear. You’ll wish you never came and swear on your mother’s grave you won’t make the same mistake again.

2. Asshats at the ATM? Some of the most clueless individuals in HK can be found staring and tapping away at ATM machines completely oblivious to the concept of other people.

Dear god

Dear god

3. Footpath fools. For a fast paced city shit there’s a lot of clueless ambling clowns who excel in going slow, wandering all over the place, stopping abruptly, standing in groups in the middle of the sidewalk or walking zombie-like right at you.

4. Very slow to take a hint. Ever make the mistake of browsing a shop in Hong Kong only to have staff begin to shadow your every move and lurk distrustfully right behind you? Should you turn to give them an I’m ok thanks look, they just won’t get it. They’ll move again into your blind spot hovering like the annoying prick they’ve been trained to be.

5. Work in Hong Kong? If you have, then no doubt you’ve endured a workplace meeting where decisions are finalized and issues are covered only after as much hair pulling and tedium as can possibly be imagined has come to pass. I think it’s called circular decision making or something. Outcomes can only be reached after the discussion has gone around and around and around and around and around…again and again and again and again and again…

Can we just go over that again?

Can we just go over that again?

6. Slow to grow up…which could be a good thing I suppose…but…

...come ON!

…come on now…

.

…and The FUCKED IN THE HEAD

Mr Wong takes a 'pre' shot...

Mr Wong takes a ‘pre’ shot…

...and the matching 'post'.

…and the matching ‘post’.

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9 Responses to Hong Kong: The Fast the Slow and the Fucked in the Head

  1. 15wongnh1 says:

    What I really hate the most is the “Quick to Judge” thing. I mean, come on. Helpers are lazy but nice, a lot of Westerners are polite, and am I the only person in the city who happens to view black people as perfectly harmless and nice people? Seriously…

  2. Nic Randy says:

    Eat as fast and as loud as you can in a crowded restaurant with a massive line of others waiting to get their share of ‘there have delicious food’. Then sit at the table for and hour and a half slowly sipping your drinks and talking about your menstrual cycle or how shitty your job is. Fuck everyone else waiting in line. You were there first so the table is yours until your ass goes numb.

  3. Lamboferruccio says:

    You guys see this one yet, what a bunch of bull shit, happy my ass…

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fHxiohJW08M

  4. There is a new website now available in Hong Kong: http://www.GetTheDealNow.com, go check it out!

    It is about last minute deals in HK on food, groceries, shopping, drinks, bars, restaurants… Get The Deal Now helps local Hong Kong businesses to sell their unsold stocks by offering last minute deals to nearby clients. Instead of selling to people vouchers that can be redeemed during a 4, 5 or 6-month period of time – and sometimes even more -, Get The Deal Now offers instant vouchers. Buyers must redeem them within the same day or the same week, depending on the deal. This is a new concept, and it is now available in Hong-Kong.

    Go have a look at http://www.GetTheDealNow.com, it is worth the visit! Thanks for sharing =)

  5. Sounds shit Nicolas

  6. Ygff says:

    How about that dudes comb over! His look is priceless…

  7. End of Hk says:

    Hey, wong! what a nice photos. Answer this question Wong~ “What is 1+1=?”

  8. End of Hk says:

    Someone gave a chance to Filipino blaming Hong kong. “Whites are hedonists, faggots.” Haha, no way

  9. Overated says:

    Good call there is a complete lack of spacial awareness of consideration in Hong Kong, you forgot the twats who dawdle along looking at their phones walking straight into you…. I haven’t yet taken someones phone and thrown it in the harbour but its only a matter of time.

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