There’s Something Fishy Around Here!

You could say the secret ingredient is the suffering :)

You could say the secret ingredient is the suffering 🙂

Evening FOOD lovers! You know there’s a lot that spells DELICIOUS in Hong Kong…Ox tongue on a cold winter’s night can’t be beat…limp bread drenched in a whole can of condensed milk oozes class and sophistication…the bigger and more horrendous the pork knuckle the happier I get…everyone knows Hong Kong is a great place to eat FOOD. But if there’s one thing that spells DELICIOUS more than anything else here its fish dying a painful and humiliating death in the bottom of a restaurant tank. There’s nothing more mouth-watering than seeing a once majestic Red Emperor cowering for its life in the corner of a bare glass death tank…eyes so cloudy, beaten and deformed it looks radioactive…skin so torn and mutilated it looks like it’s been hit by a truck.


I'll have that dead one

I’ll have that dead one

From time to time you see such fish trying to hide behind the tank filter, behind other frightened doomed fish or amongst schools of ever paddling but going nowhere prawns. Sometimes the cagiest ones even try to float upside down and play dead. Idiots! The ones praying for a swift end to life aren’t even guaranteed that. Chances are they’ll wind up sliced in half right down the middle and on display with their mouths sucking the wrong kind of oxygen and their hearts beating a slow, sorry painful death.

But none of that shit crosses my mind when I get near a death tank. It’s all I can do to stop myself from diving in holus-bolus so I can start ripping scales off with my bare teeth, sucking eyeballs out of their crushed sockets and tearing fins off left right and center. A fish feeding frenzy.  What a delicious spectacle that would be.

But I control myself and point out my victim so the guy who’s well practiced at shooting fish in a barrel can chase my meaty brain food all around the tank with a net while the kids delight in watching each scrambling, petrified and confused fish go absolutely and utterly bat shit crazy, churning the water, smashing their skulls on every possible glass panel many times over…scales everywhere…bloodcurdling clouds of urine and afterbirth. Mmm mouth watering.

It comes to me cooked well and riddled with cysts and sores. Just how I like it. Just how everyone in Hong Kong likes it.

Rusty the now dead rock cod

Rusty the now dead rock cod

Get in my belly

Bucket of chum

It’s all I can do to stop myself from diving in holus-bolus so I can start ripping scales off with my bare teeth

It’s all I can do to stop myself from diving in holus-bolus so I can start ripping scales off with my bare teeth

I see food and I eat it

Stacked in like…sardines…ha ha ha…I see food and I eat it…ROFL

There's a party in my mouth and you're all gonna die

There’s a party in my mouth and you’re all gonna die

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58 Responses to There’s Something Fishy Around Here!

  1. Lamboferruccio says:


  2. weszup says:

    Good stuff as always, but certainly not the best post. The one about HK girls grubbin for white boy American Express is definitely one of the best in this blogs’ history. Where is that magic dear blog host? I’m still grateful for your effort though.

    Please, would you be willing to let anyone else contribute to a post? The human mule one is too brief – this topic could be elaborated much more. I know there is another one regarding the domestic helpers, but I think that one was also too short. Where are the punch lines such as “If issuing your child a personal slave is wrong, we don’t want to be right la”. Come on, I know you can do better. Where is the passion you once put into the McDonnalds “i’m lovin it” post, with Hong Kong McDonnalds wedding pictures and everything!

    Also, for the love of god, a post about the residential tower security guards needs doing badly! Things like photos of impulse driven little chubbsters in special forces attire guiding the residents through the farm are lacking on this blog, and this is very good material which needs covering. Dear host, I could do this one justice if you give me a chance!

    And what about one on the creepy expats who go to central to die? This is an important phenomenon. Ever notice most of the expat men in central look like they just got out of a fancy hair salon, every day? Ever had to overhear someone talking about their vast understanding of Asia based on their time in Hong Kong? All that stuff needs to be addressed, and having a walk around central would generate a lot of material. These are just suggestions. Thanks.

  3. Anonymous says:

    And what about one on the creepy expats who go to central to die? to die?

  4. Anonymous says:

    Here are a few more ideas for future post…

    1. Anything about bus, mini bus and taxi drivers is always a welcome treat.

    2. Public bus etiquette (you’ve done one on elevator etiquette which was gold).

    3. Flat renovation. Why in the world do these dimwits use jackhammers to renovate their flats?

    4. The uncouth officers walking around HK who have the audacity to give out $1,500 tickets. They’re revenue generating pathetic ass wipes who think they’re on a winning team because they have a government issued uniform.

    5. The overseas Chinese who return to Hong Kong and think they’re the ‘Bee’s Knees’. Don’t think this area has been touched upon.

    BTW – How about an entry dedicated to giving Hong Kong a new slogan. Saw this on another website and thought is was real funny. I’ve already written one somewhere else on this site, but here’s another…

    Hong Kong…taking away your hope one day at a time!

  5. bigpoo says:

    The only thing that grosses me out more than those pre-meal torture chambers is actually watching the meal being consumed. All that gob-smacking, drooling, tooth-picking, snorting, belching, laugh-with-your-mouth-full-and-wide-open table etiquette is a fitting end to our truly disgusting food production and consumption life-cycle here in Hong Kong. Some may argue the abominable state of Hong Kong’s toilets actually represents the end of the food-cycle however I disagree: it’s more of an aperitif because a great deal of food preparation actually takes place in Hong Kong’s toilets. Indeed, I believe this faucet, I mean facet, of the Hong Kong dining experience has been well documented in an earlier blog entry.

  6. Anonymous says:

    If I might add to the above, how about doing one on the apologists on geoexpat board? Every slight complaint got bombarded – yes, bombarded – by apologists knocking over one another just to shoot their mouths off. To say pathetic is perhaps an understatement.

  7. Don Quixote says:

    Indeed there is something fishy, and is not just the smell of the thousands of local prostitutes. What could be more disgusting that those half rotten,zombie fish like, pre rotten, appetite closer? Well to see the locals eating; that is perhaps the most daring, disgusting, lowest table manners amongst the lowest of the low. I may not even call it caveman lifestyle as I’m sure they had more respect for the life they where consuming that this human abnormalities. And even worse than that is to see one of them in a window job, I prefer the dammed fish if you ask me, than to see a fish head human like, bitter mid age Hong Kong woman; who you can see in her face had never got a fuck in their hollow and empty lives. Worse than a dying fish a window a mid age single bitch behind a service or government window. Hong Kong Sucks, by the way pollution today was beyond measuring. I hate this shit hole.

  8. Anonymous says:

    ” If I might add to the above, how about doing one on the apologists on geoexpat board? Every slight complaint got bombarded – yes, bombarded – by apologists knocking over one another just to shoot their mouths off. To say pathetic is perhaps an understatement.”


    That site is the worst. I once posted a simple question on their and had to endure PAGES and PAGES of smart-assed comments from oh-so-blase expats. I got maybe one semi-helpful comment out of a dozen pages of snark. If those people are the survivors of this wretched dump. I want the fuck out. It’s like the old Brits languishing and dying slow drink-induced deaths in Wan Chai: how can a straight man look so sad and morose and bitter when there are hot girls in front of you? But they can. The locals are crude and rude rabble and the expats are not much better.

  9. Lamboferruccio says:

    Yeah I can’t tell you how many of my friends just love it here, yes they all love their jobs and that makes all the difference in the world and yes they all work for foreign companies and they all seem to live in an expat bubble. Me I interact with locals all day long including my local employer hence the reason for my frustration with this place. As for my work colleagues who are all locals, never have I come across more spineless people pleasing bend over and take it in the arse dick suckers in my life!

  10. Anonymous says:

    yes — some of the expats are not much better, esp some loud and audacious aussies and fake and snobbish brits.

  11. Anonymous says:

    some are FILTH — Fail In London Try Hong Kong. nth that impressive.

  12. Anonymous says:

    but of course some are brilliant, not all. half-half i would say.

  13. Lamboferruccio says:

    Well the beauty of HK if you can call it that is the people you meet from all over the world, the shitty part is said people tend to stick to their own kind alienating everyone else. I’ve never understood that about people, you move to a new country and what do you do, you seek out your courtymen to hang with and therein lies the bubble I spoke of, what’s the fucking point there’s so much to see and do and so many interesting people to meet and make new friends with. Yeah HK people generally suck but they’re not the only ones…

  14. Anonymous says:

    omg — slapping left and right — love… sigh.

  15. J says:

    Stop giving the the dude your ideas he’s doing a fine job on his own! Keep up the good work!! Hilarious as always… I live on lamma and see this nasty shit every day!!!

  16. Goteburg says:

    So, same race with British? Viking? Celtic? Hong kongers are just Mongoloids.

  17. Goteburg says:

    Safe under British umbrella? Laugh out loud. If a Hong konger meet Skinheads in Europe or Russia, Britain can protect him?

  18. Goteburg says:

    Hong kongers hate mainlanders… Ja, And mainland is communism country. But Have you know Bolsheviki revolution is occured by Britain? And have you know organization”Fabian Society”? Search this keywords from google. “Fabian Society” “Kazakh Jew”

  19. Chris G says:

    Yes, very nice dear

  20. Goteburg says:

    I think problem is Hongies own problem. Not Chinese or British. They are shameful of both. Also Hongies cant compare the word”timid”and “Caution”.

  21. Goteburg says:


  22. Goteburg says:

    Hey! hooker fawkes! do you really love that bloody stewart? Do you really love that gooky things?

  23. Goteburg says:

    Well, HK is not a part of Earth. Call it “planet Xianggang”. Someday a pyramid will built in HK. Constantly old scots snobbish today.

  24. Goteburg says:

    Burnt bread, Rotten biscuit.

  25. Anonymous says:


  26. Goteburg says:

    Heres a pyramid.姦

  27. Lamboferruccio says:

    Hey Goteburg no offence but WTF are you carying on about bro 😒.

  28. Anonymous says:

    goteburg is cute ; )

  29. Goteburg says:

    HSBC HS:Hooker Sweden. Laugh out loud.

  30. Goteburg says:

    Your hair looks like Swedish vampire.

  31. Goteburg says:

    When the cruel winter chill the bud, Hongies hookers wait for Sweddddddor Sxotor vampire suck their blood and eggs.

  32. Anonymous says:

    goteburg must have infected the “hk-virus” and has gotten out of control. he must also really disdain swedish…

  33. Anonymous says:

    This blog has taken a turn for the worse. Is there a way to block Goteburg? I miss coming here and reading/posting about stuff I can relate to. You know…the daily bullshit that is Hong Kong!

    FUCK YOU Goteburg!

  34. Goteburg says:

    By the way, Anonymous, I want to know trueself of you. You’re not American. Writer of this blog, Anonymous you 2 guys are childish in nature. Then, I’ll give you some questions. “Why Kazakh people are massacred by mainland Russians?” “How many crimes have done by HSBC?” “Kazakh people or mainland Russians,Which is better?”. Britian and America 2 countries having ruined by childish hookers and some of the rude and greedy Asians such as Hong kong. As you know, IHSBC is too big to fall down. Maybe the last bank to go down Unfortunately. Thanks to you admit that, Hong kong is rude and mad place like sunrising plag.

  35. Chris G says:

    Good points, all well argued.

  36. Goteburg says:

    No doubt for Hong kong is most rude, Vandalic place ever. Good points about HK is all caused by Britain. All I can think of HK are HSBC and Hong kong is Hungary of Britain.

  37. Anonymous says:

    Goteburg, why do you keep singling out HSBC? ! ? !

    let’s conspire to burn it down baby!!! j/k…

  38. Goteburg says:

    Incrediable Hong kong!!

  39. Goteburg says:

    HSBC donated money to Al Qaeda!! Speread it to whole world.

  40. brad pitt says:

    If u dont like hong kong get the fuck out whitie.

  41. Anonymous says:

    brad pitt,

    Fuck you, you racist cunt. You’re the reason why so many people hate this hell hole (not just white people). I hope you choke on nasty fish ball, asshole!

  42. Chris G says:

    Whitie? Its the locals who spend a small fortune on skin whitening products and procedures then spend anytime outside under a frigging umbrella!. Talk about an inferiority complex!

  43. Chris G says:

    @ anon fuck your mom u Little white bug eyes pussy.You gweilos have really lowered the standard of living in Hong kong.All this drunken crime in LKF and dirty old gweilos in wan chai.Disgusting vermin.
    If u dont like hong kong gwt the fuck out bug eyed whities!;)

  44. gau says:

    @ anon it seems u r not a whitie after all but a whities running dog!

  45. Chris G says:

    Whoever is posting as Chris G on December 23 isn’t the same person as me. I posted on December 21.

  46. Anonymous says:

    white cunts go home

  47. houseiveschoice says:

    Yes, very nice dear. Now don’t forget to top up my bath with the skin whitening powder. Everyone last night thought seemed to think I had a job in the rice fields.

  48. Chris G says:

    mery fucking christmas and muthfucking happy new year u fuken gweilos scumbags.
    GTFO of Hong Kong.

  49. houseiveschoice says:

    Hi i am a whitie retard with a dickface.

  50. CLS says:

    Chris G we Made HK for you, Gave your momma and and daddy a safe haven to breed. Now you can say that when all you chinks get the fuck out of our Countries.

  51. Chris G says:

    And stop using my username, you myopic, bandy legged ancestor worshipping twat

  52. Anonymous says:

    Good going HK supporters! Hong Kong is wonderful and we don’t need you whities here ruining it.

  53. housewiveschoice says:

    Tonight, after dark, when its as quiet as Hong Kong gets, open the windows and listen. Can you hear it? Keep listening, there it is! Loads of Chinese girls, infront of their mirrors sobbing and crying into their pot of skin whitener. Whats are they are all saying? Listen again, you can hear it
    ” I want to be white, I want to be white” over an over., again and again……

  54. Anonymous says:

    I want to be white because I have a school project due about how other people live.. And I want to know how it feels to be an idiot so I can see the better in myself

  55. Confuses says:

    I have almost gone insane here trying to rationalise the logic of why while vehicles driving in Hong Kong keep left on the road, pedestrians figured to keep right. Of course you have others that believe the left side is more logical for walking types.
    But then I could switch topic to roundabout navigation on the road.

    Great blog, I’ve not laughed so much in a while.

    Have you checked the village shrine visit day?
    Almost like a BBQ but with dead people added for more zing.

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