I’m Lovin’ It!

If Hong Kong can be likened to a dog…and I think that it can…then on the whole, it’s a small snapping dog of a city ready to nip and incise, snarl and bite. It’s a rabid, frightened little big dog with sharp broken teeth, a putrid roofless kennel and a predilection for lashing out under threat. It’s the kind of dog that’d bite your hand if you tried to feed it.

Renaissance man Kong Qingdong, not known for his eloquence, turns critical perceptions on their head when he artfully likens Hong Kong people to dogs and tells us about spanking…spanking in a raw manner.

So with that as an overview it only makes sense that there’s a lot of things to be wary of in HK – tiny…tiny doses of logic, large helpings of boorishness, smatterings of fake pleasantness, heaped scoops of overreaction and fistfuls of crossed wires, exposed wires and raw nerves. But of all the things that can sting you, bite you, infect you and generally make you ill in HK…the most dog-gone treacherous could very well be the 24 hour McDonald’s home delivery service.

24 hour delivery…mmm mmm

Could it be any easier in Hong Kong to completely destroy yourself? Throw Pizza Hut, KFC and just about every other food business into the mix and with a little bit of impulsiveness you can poison yourself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week…all from the comfort of your own home. The potential’s there for you to be trapped in your own bedroom washing yourself with a rag on a stick in a matter of weeks.

I’m lovin’ it!

Anything else you like to order? Yes more corn.

There’s one thing I don’t quite understand though…

…my sixth sense tells me there’s a very, very good reason for this…but when you ring up to order some of those delicious, sweet, sweet McDonalds delicacies…and they ask for your phone number and then they ask ‘you want it delivered to your home or office’…why don’t they have a record of your address to associate with your number?

Each time you ring up they want to know what your address is…and each time you have to spell each word letter by letter to their expert english phone consultant trainee. Sometimes this can take 5 minutes or more…when I want my mush now!

HK’s a fast city…damn fast…why don’t they just keep a record of your address and then when they say ‘what’s your number?’ and you say ‘12345678’ they can say ‘still at 28 Smith Street?’ and you can say ‘yeah’ and they can say ‘what would you like to order?’. Before you know it they’ll be asking if you have an apple pie coupon and hoping you somehow enjoy the soggy bags of dog shit that are on their way to your door. All that’s left for you to do is scrounge 30 two dollar coins and start wallowing in buyers remorse.

Anyway…I’m sure there’s a logical explanation…or maybe there’s not…but I think there is…maybe…I think…

And now…for something completely different…

I now pronounce you Happy Meal and Regular Coke with Fries.

Honey you look as sweet as 50 reconstituted apple pies.

Say cheese……….burger….

Ba dah da dah dahhhhhh

This entry was posted in Hong Kong and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to I’m Lovin’ It!

  1. Anonymous says:

    Is this for real – did somebody reallly get married at Mcdonalds???

  2. They play hard in ‘work hard, play hard’ Hong Kong.

  3. synertia says:

    Haha, that Yuen Long McDonalds at 2 am is very depressing. Well, any McDonalds is at 2 am.. well any McDonalds is.

  4. I like this post. Their hospitality too damn suffocating and I hate how fake they are. I really hate it. Hong Kong is too damn fast. They live like freaking Jason Statham in that Crank movie. I hope they enjoyed the queue I stirred in 7-11 when I was s-l-o-w-l-y fishing out a 1 cent to pay for my chicken cup noodle. Good times.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Well, Hong Kong is Hong Kong. Not every country is supposed to be good at English. Well you Hong Kong was taken for 100 years so don’t blame them for being so annoyed with foreigners. plus, it’s not like English is Hong Kong’s main language, Cantonese is. So, maybe some day some dude starts speaking Cantonese in America. Would you be surprised? Secondly, I do agree that the couple married in McDonalds are dumb shits. But that doesn’t mean everyone is like that in Hong Kong, right? You are taking 2 people out of 7.1 million to make an example. They take things in badly because most of them don’t speak fluent English. For example, go to another non-english based countries, and you will find that it is really hard for them to comprehend. By the way, McDonald’s is an AMERICAN fast food restaurant, not a Chinese one. You can’t expect Hong Kong people to be just the same as you, make delicious McDonald’s. It’s not like Hong Kong people started McDonald’s. Plus, your food taste is different and Hong Kong’s food was meant to appeal for more Asians than Westerners. If you think that is unfair for you, think again. In your country, are there more Western than Asian restaurants? Hmm… It’s because they want profit, they would make the food that the major of the race there likes, You may find me harsh or over protective, and seriously I DO hate Hong Kong, but the reasons YOU hate Hong Kong are irrelevant and Racist. I hate Hong Kong because the government is SHIT and the pollution smells like SHIT.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Oh and by the way fish and chips guy, there are no 1 cents in Hong Kong dude. There are only 10 cents, 20 cents, 50 cents. Lie with knowledge, dude.

  7. Anonymous says:

    some skankers don accept 10 cents, 20 cents but its legal tender, and those dicks are so afraid of ppl who spk english

  8. Anonymous says:

    anyway l love ur blog, those hongkonger are such pricks

  9. redwhiteblue says:

    the anonymous dude with the rant defending HKg is funny. Don’t come to this website if you think HKg is so great. This website is nothing but the truth. Just displaying it the way free thinkers see it. I thought I was the only one that saw how FAKE FAKE FAKE they are. So it’s not me….WOW. I’m not alone in this hell hole. Oh, I’m a black American here so you KNOW that I get it hard.

  10. Anonymous says:

    A lot of HK people don’t speak any language. Cantonese is just not enough. It is a dialect. They need to at least learn some Mandarin or English. They are so narrow minded.

  11. MainlandSnob says:

    Establishing a blog to express your dislike towards a place, LMAO ur the superior version of Justin Bieber haters~! If u don’t like hong kong, why not get back to China? LOCUST.

  12. MainlandSnob says:

    Yes, Hong Kongers are the dogs of the British. Nevertheless, it’s less pathetic than being the dogs of the notorous Chinese Communist Party.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Absolutely, you’ve raised a very good point, which I must refer back to you. “Then don’t come to Hong Kong if you think Hong Kong sucks so hard.”

  14. Goteburg says:

    Hong kong’s social reality is below the belt and cruel. Well, Some Hongies miss the days when BBC closedown and christmas carols broadcasted in telly. But Hongolia was too low level of city to keep the British life. Originally, this place was Catholic colony, not British colony. Fuck you Hongie, Fuck you Hooks.

  15. Anonymous says:

    catholic colony?… goteburg pls share more knowledge… need a history 101. thanks.

  16. Goteburg says:

    Search “Chardin group”. IN 17th century,This place was portuguese colony with Macau. Ghangdong,Fuzen 2 states besides HK were colony of French. Meaning of Hong kong were originally “Hominum”and “Habemus”. There are no evil Freemason like Chardin group and IHSBC.Wish Hong kong will be nuked with China.

  17. Goteburg says:

    Anonymous, You are fucking hacking group from somewhere of axis of evil.

  18. Hey Goteburg…learn to write english. Attempting to decipher your mishmash gobbledegook is damaging my brain.

  19. Anonymous says:

    Well, watching you trying to fit all your vocabulary into a tiny sentence is a really bad sight for my eyes. Your fucking ego is damaging me too, fucker.

  20. HKELD says:

    The beauty of the McDonald’s wedding. I’m putting it on my Hong Kong bucket list. I must go to one of these before I move.

  21. Anonymous says:

    It seems like you don’t have the foggiest idea what HK is like…

    But anyway, if you order online, McDonald’s remembers your address and you can pay in cash when they arrive. Saves a little difficulty if you don’t speak Canto. 😉

  22. How could you possibly say that when this entire blog is SPOT ON about HK??

    McDonald’s has ALWAYS asked me to repeat my address every time I have ever called them. The post was never about ordering online.

    I never made any comments about paying with cash or not paying with cash.

    What the fuck are you on about?

  23. Anonymous says:

    Before McD’s had online ordering and caught up with other fast food competitors it was annoying to repeat the address over the phone every call. I had the same thoughts about them keeping the address on file but later realized that they do have it on file when one operator clearly didn’t understand it the first time I said it but was able to repeat it back to me with the correct spelling. Perhaps they asked for verification because of a history of fraudulent orders. Seems stupid but in any event that’s a thing of the past.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s