If Hong Kong can be likened to a dog…and I think that it can…then on the whole, it’s a small snapping dog of a city ready to nip and incise, snarl and bite. It’s a rabid, frightened little big dog with sharp broken teeth, a putrid roofless kennel and a predilection for lashing out under threat. It’s the kind of dog that’d bite your hand if you tried to feed it.
So with that as an overview it only makes sense that there’s a lot of things to be wary of in HK – tiny…tiny doses of logic, large helpings of boorishness, smatterings of fake pleasantness, heaped scoops of overreaction and fistfuls of crossed wires, exposed wires and raw nerves. But of all the things that can sting you, bite you, infect you and generally make you ill in HK…the most dog-gone treacherous could very well be the 24 hour McDonald’s home delivery service.
Could it be any easier in Hong Kong to completely destroy yourself? Throw Pizza Hut, KFC and just about every other food business into the mix and with a little bit of impulsiveness you can poison yourself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week…all from the comfort of your own home. The potential’s there for you to be trapped in your own bedroom washing yourself with a rag on a stick in a matter of weeks.
I’m lovin’ it!
There’s one thing I don’t quite understand though…
…my sixth sense tells me there’s a very, very good reason for this…but when you ring up to order some of those delicious, sweet, sweet McDonalds delicacies…and they ask for your phone number and then they ask ‘you want it delivered to your home or office’…why don’t they have a record of your address to associate with your number?
Each time you ring up they want to know what your address is…and each time you have to spell each word letter by letter to their expert english phone consultant trainee. Sometimes this can take 5 minutes or more…when I want my mush now!
HK’s a fast city…damn fast…why don’t they just keep a record of your address and then when they say ‘what’s your number?’ and you say ‘12345678’ they can say ‘still at 28 Smith Street?’ and you can say ‘yeah’ and they can say ‘what would you like to order?’. Before you know it they’ll be asking if you have an apple pie coupon and hoping you somehow enjoy the soggy bags of dog shit that are on their way to your door. All that’s left for you to do is scrounge 30 two dollar coins and start wallowing in buyers remorse.
Anyway…I’m sure there’s a logical explanation…or maybe there’s not…but I think there is…maybe…I think…
And now…for something completely different…