Hong Kong Bus Smackdown!

It’s been a while…I thought I’d take a break from sinking the boot into poor little Hong Kong…but how could anyone resist this boulder sized nugget of Hong Kong bus riding GOLD!?

There’s something for everyone in this video…noise…bigtime Hong Kong noise…aggression…gutlessness…extreme apathy…violence against women…crowded spaces…rage…stress…screaming…slapping…karate…humour…laughs…front kicks…a guy dressed as a bee reading a newspaper…

…everything we come to expect from Hong Kong and more. The only thing surprising about this whole scene is that it doesn’t happen more often.

I really wish it did!

This entry was posted in Hong Kong. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Hong Kong Bus Smackdown!

  1. Cletus says:

    Welcome back Dudley! It has been too long indeed…

    Great find with this video! English subtitles would be nice to give a little context to the incident, but to be honest, it doesn’t even matter. The cast of characters and their behavior in this video represent PERFECTLY the horror of having to use public transportation in Hong Kong.

    But wait, isn’t public transportation in Hong Kong “amazing!”, “convenient”, and “luxurious” as we’ve all been told hundreds of times by Hong Kong people? In short, FUCK NO! The transportation system here in Hong Kong, and the people who ride it, are about the fucking worst part of my (and any self-respecting person’s) day. The fact that the video shown above happened on a bus just adds insult to injury, as in my opinion, bus travel in Hong Kong is about the worst form of transportation known to man (second only to mainland “tour bus/megaphone-nightmare” buses). So, why are buses here so bad? Let me dissect it a bit.

    First, buses are fighting a losing battle to begin with as the greedy motherfuckers here have built shit on almost every piece of land they can get their mitts on. The result? Horrifyingly narrow and claustrophobic roads that have to have a traffic light on them every 20 meters to control the other savages on those roads. Additionally, there are about six fucking million idiot taxi drivers who constantly think their piece-of-shit Toyotas are bigger, better, and have more reason to be on the roads than the buses do (and the taxi drivers are about the worst drivers I’ve ever seen – minus mini bus drivers). You can imagine how this affects your “smooth, luxurious ride” on a public bus.

    Second, the buses themselves are mostly those lumbering double-decker monstrocities that have no business being on Hong Kong roads. “All the pollution in HK comes from the mainland!” is what you usually hear from Hong Kongers. Fuck that! The condition of said buses is also deplorable. I dare you to try and sit on the lower floor near the back of the bus (where the video characters were) and not freak out. That has got to be about the worst place on earth. There is no ventilation. There are people sitting facing each other (for no fucking reason). The engine is right by your head. The aircon never cools anything there. It’s a carbon monoxide nightmare! And usually, if you ever have to sit back there, the only seat available to you will be the one in the extreme back corner against the window, because you’d better be damn sure no local is gonna give up any other seat for you. Oh, and did I mention that the entire bus is on huge, filthy, germ factory?

    Third, the staff are fucking atrocious. What do I mean by atrocious? Well, usually a company holds their employees responsible for the services that said company provides to the public, and the manner in which it should be done. Not so in Hong Kong. You are fucking lucky that KMB or whatever company ALLOWS you to set foot on their precious bus. Service with a smile? Fuck you! Got a complaint? Go fuck yourself! That mindset and lack of caring for customers has filtered down from the top of the company straight down to the bottom. At the end of the day, the bus companies are meant to provide good, safe, clean transportation to its passengers, hopefully in a respectful way. But in HK they fail. Horribly. Here is an example of what I mean:

    Last week when I got on (shudder) a bus, I was greeted with a horribly fucking stinky bus driver yelling something at me in Chinese. Stinky was an understatement. He had fucking heinous BO. As I was still scanning my octopus card, he steps on the gas hard, even though there was no traffic, and he didn’t need to, almost knocking me off my feet. I think to myself “I’m only staying on here for a few minutes, so I will stay standing.” Well, that thought doesn’t last long as the driver proceeds to barrel around corners at top speed, trying his best to tip the bus over, and doing the great “gas-break-gas-break-BREAK” that we all know and love here. “Fuck this,” I say as I scramble up the stairs at one the 30 red light’s we’d hit. But when I get to a seat upstairs, there are two other off-duty KMB drivers up there. And holy shit, were they holding court. If you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience to have off-duty bus drivers on the bus with you, God help you. If there are a group of them together? You are fucked. Well, these two valued employees did everything in their power to make my ride enjoyable. That included: yelling, screaming, horking up gobs of phlegm and spitting, blocking the aisle, having dirty and unbuttoned uniforms on, and being complete fucking animals. I didn’t have my headphones with me either (a huge tactical error om my part), which was just fucking fantastic. I could go on, but you get the idea. I hit the bell, go the fuck off the bus, hailed a cab, then decided to walk home when I saw that the taxi who stopped had 12 mobile phones mounted on the dash, and the guy looked like he was about to tweak out.

    Now tell me, if this happened anywhere else in the world, wouldn’t the drivers in question be sacked? Wouldn’t those shit buses be pulled off the road and retro-fitted with technology that was invented this century? Wouldn’t the company be ridiculed by local TV, radio, and newspapers? Wouldn’t there be public outrage? The answer is: fucking of course.

    Fourth and finally, the passengers. OK, yes, I understand that some nice people ride the bus. I realize that not everyone is a sub-human creature sent to torment and fuck with all gweilos. But what I do know is that in my four-plus years in HK, I’ve found those people to be the HUGE minority. The average person that rides the bus has no interest in your right to a peaceful and enjoyable ride. Ever walked on to a bus and seen someone sitting against a window, politely leaving the aisle seat open for you to sit in? Fuck no, I guarantee you haven’t. Ever tried to get by one of those people who won’t move to the window seat? The tilt their knees five degrees and expect you to squeeze by. It’s been so tempting for me to elbow-smash motherfucking lazy, inconsiderate fucks as I am “squeezing by”, but just can’t be bothered to deal with the repercussions. How about once you get a seat (if you are so lucky)? How is your ride after that? “Fucking miserable” is the only possible answer to that query. Every person in there is trying to yell over each other, scream on a mobile phone, change a baby’s diaper, pick their nose, bump you, not hold on to the handles, and let out surprised “Ooohs” when the bus suddenly lurches forward or backwards, as if it were their first time riding the bus. In simple English, the passengers are clueless, inconsiderate assholes.

    So, by adding up the four points I’ve written about here, you can see why context really doesn’t matter in the original video. If you put people who have no concept of courtesy into a place where courtesy cannot exist – such as a HK bus – then you will get the type of behavior seen here. It really doesn’t matter who started the fight, who was right or wrong, who got hit, who went to jail, and who got sympathy for others. The inmates are running the asylum.

    Happy commuting everyone!

  2. “lumbering double-decker monstrocities”


    Oh man…when I see seats all in a row facing each other on either side of the downstairs section of the bus it reminds me of trucks full of Jews on their way to slaughter.

    Every bus ride is a ticking fucking time-bomb

  3. Anonymous says:

    I was going to visit Hong Kong. Might have to cancel that thought.

  4. gman says:

    fucking brilliant! cletus. fucking filthy hk and its inconsiderate, greedy, filthy, moronic, money hungry, monkey looking ugly stupid filth. now it’s so full of fucking mainland scum and filthy smelly dirty scum indians. wtf! this place is the pits. fuck me. winging, stupid race of crap. can’t walk either. fuck me the walking inconsiderate monkey, fuck fuck fuck!

  5. Turnipboy says:

    You poor fools ride in buses?!!

  6. Only when my driver’s in hospital from the beatings I administer him for no reason at all

  7. Turnipboy says:

    You beat your driver too? I really have at mine if he’s overtaken by a taxi or bus.

    Idea for a new commentary – “No Passports for Foreign Helpers”. Hopefully we’ll have plenty of new coverage as this heats up further, and we can see lots of self-righteous indignation from the Hong Kong “Intelligentsia”, many of whom are, ironically, among the prodigious number of comfy womfy foreign passport holders themselves.

    Hopefully this will throw a wrench in the foreign slave labour program and force people in Hong Kong to learn how to carry their own bags, iron their own shirts, and, god forbid, clean their own toilets. Hint: it takes more than a 24 economy pack of toilet paper.

  8. Iago says:

    Another perfect post – this blog has always perfectly described the hong kong condition (this shithole does not warrant proper-noun status).

    The comment above – ‘complete fucking animals’ – is entirely fucking accurate. FUCK ME. These are the most stupid, vacant fucking people I’ve ever seen in my life. Whether they are driving, eating, shopping, walking (in a fucking zig-zag), trying to operate an umbrella without hitting me in the fucking eyes (I knock them out of their hands now), talking, shitting (I’m assuming), they resemble primitive animals more than human beings. I can’t fucking stand it. Don’t get me started on the 40 y.o. white pedo’s who live here with 4-foot underage-looking 57 y.o. South-East Asian hookers. Horrific shit.

    Can’t wait to leave this fucking place. Fuck me.

  9. gman says:

    could not agree more with above replies. fucking filthy racist animals they are. yes, shitting is an understatement. filthy fuckers. and dumb to boot. complain about anything and anyone, mouth open yawning, filthy smell coming out of their big fucking horrible gay traps. loud mouthed cunts! corrupt, greedy, filthy monkeys. just have a look at the older ones on the mtr for instance and you can’t tell me they don’t look like a monkey…and smell like one too. fuck i hate chinese! and the mainlanders, fuck me, what a despicable scum. and while i am at it the filthy smelly dirty racist scum from india, ahhhggg scum shit turd eating rag head elephant jockey filth!

  10. Brent says:

    Nice to know there’s life out there. Most everyone around me has sold their soul and been brainwashed beyond repair.

    Have you done one on apartments in this sh*thole? Millions of the currency just for a crappy little cage for you to continue slaving away.

    Keep up the great work, my man. God damn this place.

  11. Brent says:

    Nice to know there’s life out there. Most everyone around me has sold their soul and been brainwashed beyond repair.

    Have you done one on apartments in this sh*thole? Millions of the currency just for a crappy little cage for you to continue slaving away.

    Keep up the great work, my man. God damn this worthless, f*ckhole excuse of a city.

  12. gowron says:

    Nothing gives me a raging boner (well a small upstanding peanut (Fuck you god for making me Chinese), greater than a Chinese Shebeast covering her ugly face in shame and cowering away.

  13. fj4003 says:

    Don’t you think it’s an insult to some people?

  14. fj4003 says:

    A bit later I read it again. I’m from Hong Kong and I’m a bus fan, and that is a big insult to me. Anyway, this is my name because I don’t show public info. No offense…

  15. Anonymous says:

    I wanted to share something with you guys.

    Have you ever experienced the disgusted look on a Chinese woman/girl’s face after you involuntarily looked at their boobs… or should I call it ping pong balls ?
    What the fuck! Every time this shit happens to me, the girl/woman hides her mini boobs behind her sweater/jacket.
    Come on I didn’t even fucking want to look at those fucking atrocities and she hides them like I’m gonna rape her or something!
    Stupid bitches!

  16. Anonymous says:

    I have been living in Hong Kong for 7 years, and I have been riding on bus as well, nothing unpleasant ever happen to me on the bus so far. I don’t know what some of you are yelling for, just to show your racist value and pathetic sense of humor?

  17. PT says:

    Came here from the Chinahush blog – strangely enough on a thread about HKers complaining about mainlanders!
    Love the comments – perfectly formed articulate bile! Exactly applicable to the moneyed get rich twats in the mainland and even more so!

  18. F*ck this place says:

    That ugly bitch needed a slapping. Every time I hear some local bitch starting with that whiny tone I want to slap her too.

  19. Anonymous says:

    @gowron A small upstanding peanut, what the fuck? Are you some kind of sick pedo or something? In all seriousness though, fuck Hong Kong. White wannabes the lot of em..

  20. Steve says:

    Drive like bastards, dangerous, cut off everyone, off rude to passengers, unhelpful to tourists & always say ” I don’t know English” but still can’t tell you if they stop at a major landmark right on the route they drive past a dozen times a day! Why don’t you just be honest & say “I HATE YOU COZ YOU ARE NOT CHINESE!! “

  21. HailSatan says:

    To my experience with the majority of drivers in HK, any given handicapped ape raised in the west, having gone through 1 hour training, would do – blindfolded – much better than the average Chinese driver. Maybe it’s lack of dairy products, or too much rice? K-amikaze M-ega B-astards are merely the epitome of Chinese driving.

  22. ilovehk says:

    I like HK when it rains. Its such a joy watching everyone act like extras in a the Hiroshima bomb re-enactment movie.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s