Hong Kong celebrity tutors? Don’t get me started about Hong Kong celebrity tutors…
Hong Kong Celebrity Tutors
I double dare you to read this article and not swoon:
If little Fung Yat Lo isn’t as fat as little Fong Tik Long, if his face isn’t as red or bulbous…if his dim sum belly is not ample enough…if the twinkle in his eye isn’t quite right…then, well poor little Fung Yat Lo is just too far behind. He’ll never catch up. He’ll die in shame. He’ll become one of those slow-motion bodies who clean shit off the bowl in a nondescript public toilet in some two-bit shopping mall. He’ll be paid $7 an hour to wipe urine off urinal cakes. He’ll steal urinal cakes for his dinner. He’ll use urinal cakes as soap. He needs a leg up. He needs a serious ladder that isn’t greasy. He needs to feed…to gorge himself on the educational teat of Richard Eng.
Who’s Richard Eng?
Good question…and…I’m prepared to go into it…and I know it’s a fine line to tread between free speech and being somehow libelous and scandalous…but well…it’s just a bit of fun…and only a handful of people read this site anyway!
Let’s take a look at this Rich Eng youtube video and see if we can work out what kind of dude Dick is:
Seems like a great guy…except for…
Some would argue (and they do)…that Eng preys on fevered educational ideals here in Hong Kong. The people Eng cheats want to get to the top…get their kids to the top…the top of some elusive pile…give them some opportunity…they know it’s competitive in Hong Kong – fast paced? Don’t get them started about fast paced! More to the truth, Hong Kong people, as Eng knows, have a blinding faith in authority (save for the small groups of protesters down by the Star Ferry and such places…but who gives a shit about them and their depressing overtures and mind numbingly horrific educational images, right?) Do Hong Kong people love status? What do you mean do they!?Anyway…Hong Kong people do openly admire, love and aspire to know, be led and dictated to by authority. If you hold a clipboard, a pen…a clipboard AND a pen…then you are virtually omnipotent…you have the power. Wear an expensive suit, gold watches or anything with a high status label and well, you’re the man. Hong Kong people divert to authority like a hypochondriac diverts to another doctor for a second opinion. They love being told what to do…where to go…and how to think. They are completely led. That’s where the celebrity tutor steps in.
The likes of Rich ‘God’ Eng know that a little bit of razzle…a little bit of dazzle…little bit of hair gel…a whole lot of smuggery, over the top campaigning…a wardrobe full of outrageously expensive trash fashion will absolutely…completely bamboozle Mr Wong, Mrs Fong and their educationally brainwashed children. There’s just no accounting for the desperation of people who’ve been trained to accept that education is the be all and end all of a person’s life. Just like there’s no accounting for people’s infatuation with status.
No-one can blame Eng for targeting and taking full advantage of educational mania. That’s the Hong Kong way…you exploit what you can…whether it be space, gullibility, age, position, rank, status, weakness, need, innocence…doesn’t matter la! There’s no point, I suppose, in singling Eng out as some kind of jackal…because Hong Kong’s full of jackals.
I just think, personally, that Eng should market himself as more of the educational mercenary that he seems to be. Why doesn’t he make it more clear that he has inside knowledge of important exams? If people knew that imagine how many more customers there would be.
Exploiting people’s concepts about education in Hong Kong is like shooting fish in a barrel. It’s not a complex game. Eng isn’t a god, he’s an opportunist. He exists in an environment primed for flashy bullshit…stolen educational advice, gourmet clothing, shiny hair, 24 inch crocodile skin shoes, gold teeth and all that other surface/ image stuff that Hong Kongers can’t get enough of.
Hong Kong people love Eng because he promises an illusion…he successfully drapes himself in the (fake) image of an authority figure with pezzaz…and what is more, according to some, he has inside knowledge about the content of major exams. Those kinds of things aren’t really authentic but more like the credentials of a sham…a scam…a flim flam man!
If someone could find a big enough turd, dress it up in a three piece suit and sort of squelch it into position behind the wheel of a Lamborghini or dump it into a lecture hall…I bet you’d have thousands of Hong Kong people paying hand over fist to get as close as possible so they could smell the money, because even if it’s a giant turd…it’s a giant turd wearing a million dollar suit and driving a refined, authoritative touring car…
…and that’s some good respect commanding shit!